Decisions (Harry Styles)

Chapter 26

HARRY'S POV

When I came back at home, I felt better. I had no idea if it was because of the funeral and how I said everything I needed to say or if it was because of her and the way she can make me feel so good. She is becoming an obsession to me. She's the only thing I can think about and to be honest, it helps.

My father wanted the best for me. He tried making a gentleman out of me and it literally failed. I was always getting myself in trouble. He wasn't able to have the son he always wanted and it was killing him a little bit more everyday. Looking back to it, it was all my fault.

I meant it when I said that I need to change for him. Truth is, I don't want to do it only for him. I realized that being the jerk I am makes me feel like shit. I can never be truly happy. I always have to ruin everything.

Being good is hard for me. I'm used to being a fool and it has become natural for me. I'm surronded by all the wrong people and I'm always doing all the wrong things.

But fuck, I just want to try. I want to be able to make someone feel good without ruining everything. I always try to push people away because I don't want to get attached to anyone. Of course I'm scared. I hate when I become dependant. That's when it hurts the most. But because I had a bad experience once doesnt mean it'll happen to me all the time, right?

Something inside of me keeps teling me that I need to take a chance on that girl. It's no big deal, we're not getting fucking married! We're just hanging out and having fun. She thinks I can be good for her. She believes in me when I don't even believe in my own self. I can't give up on her, she deserves me to try.

I need to see her.

JAMIE'S POV

I couldn't stop thinking about him. To be honest, the way I was seeing Harry totally changed during those last weeks. He isn't the typical jerk I thought he was. Harry is strong and understanding. Of course he makes a lot of mistakes, but he knows it. When I look into his eyes, I see someone who's now trying to be better than the man he was yesterday. It won't be easy for him, but I know he can do it.

I decided to open up to him. In fact, I don't really have the choice. Even if my head is telling me to go away, all of my body is craving for him. When I'm close to him, I feel safe. I've been spending way too long thinking that Harry was changing me. In fact, he is only allowing me to be myself again.

My phone rang, interrupting my thoughts.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me" Harry's husky voice filled my ear.

"Oh hi Harry, is everything alright?" I asked, trying to puzzle out the emotion in his voice.

"Yes I'm fine. I was wondering if maybe... Well you wanted to go out with me tonight? For dinner maybe?" I think it was the first time Harry was asking me something instead of giving me an order.

"Of course, I'd love to" I said. I wasn't hungry and I was exhausted, but I sure as hell wanted to go out with him.

" I'll be there in 15 minutes. If that's okay with you?" he asked, looking unsure. For once, he seemed so careful and I think I was starting to like that part of him.

"That's perfectly fine. See you later" I said while hanging up.

I was shocked. Did he just ask me out, properly ? No more "I'll be there in 5 even if you don't want me to come". But this isn't what surprised me the most. What was surprising is that I couldn't wait to see him.

Exactly 15 minutes later, he knocked on my door. Harry on time ? That was a big plot twist.

"Hi Harry"

"Hi Jamie. First before we go I'd like to apologize for my hasty behavior this afternoon. I don't want to defend myself on that, and I just kind of lost a bit of control. I don't want to spend all evening talking about it because that's usueless and it'd be a big waste of time. So if you have anything to say about that it's now cause once we leave this house I don't want to come up with this subject anymore. Okay?" he spilled that out so fast and I could tell that he was really uncomfortable. If only he knew how much he has nothing to do about my refusal...

"It's no big deal, really. It's all good. Don't worry with that and I swear, I don't want to talk about it either."I honestly answered.

"Okay then, we are ready to go" he said before leading me to his car.