Can I Make It Without You? (Eminem)

I'm fine...no I'm not

Chapter 30

"Are you ok Kia?" Kat asked me with a frown as the waiter set our coffee's down on the table. I tore my eyes away from the window and glanced at her. I put on a fake smile and nodded. She frowned and I sighed.

"I'm fine Kat." I said reaching for my coffee.

"Are you sure? Because you have not been yourself for the past four months." She said with her frown still present. I looked at her with a blank expression and shrugged.

"I'm fine. How many times do I have to tell you and everyone else that I'm fucking fine?!" I snapped a little bit annoyed.

So here's what's been going on. Marshall and I have been married for almost six months now. He left for his tour and came back and we tried so many times to fall pregnant but it never worked out. I was getting depressed and thought it was all my fault and Marshall got it the worst. He was the one who had to keep comforting me and get stuck with my bitchy attitude. I hated being like this but all I wanted was to just be able to be pregnant. Why can't I just be pregnant?

Marshall has also been gone for the past month and was only coming back in like four more days. I hated it when he went away but I guess I had to live with it. I missed him so much though and when he was gone I just felt empty and alone. I just wanted my husband with me already.

"Are you really Kiana? Because you look like shit. When's the last time you ate a proper meal or even tried to at least look decent?" Kat asked and I bit my lip as I looked down at myself as my eyes glazed over. I haven't been the healthiest of people and lost quite a bit of weight since Marshall left. A tear rolled over my cheek and I looked down so Kat wouldn't notice it, but it was too late. She got up and came to wrap her arms around me.

"No Kat, I'm not ok. I haven't been ok for months now and I'm tired of pretending that I am." I sobbed into her shoulder. I'm sure we were attracting attention, which was easy these days because the fuckers some how figured out that I was with Marshall. They didn't know we were married but they suspected that we were dating.

"I know Kia, I know. Shhh it's ok." Kat said patting my back as she held me close. "Come on, let's go home."

"I can't." I said sitting up and wiping away tears. "I have to get back to work."

"I'm sure Matt won't mind giving you the afternoon off." She sad with a small smile as she held my hand. I looked at her and just shrugged. I hated this person I have become. I barely showed any emotion and I was so lifeless.

"What are you doing?" I asked her with a small frown as she took my phone and tapped the screen. She smiled and held her finger up as she put the phone to her ear. I frowned wondering what the hell she was doing.

"Hello Matt? This is Katherine, Kiana is not feeling well and I was going to take her home for the rest of the day." She said then frowned as she waited for Matt to talk. She nodded and then smiled. "Thank you very much. I'll be sure to tell her. Bye."

"What did he say?" I asked with a sigh and Kat smiled at me.

"That you should take tomorrow off too." She said putting money down on the table as we got up to leave. Pulled on my coat and then made my way out to Kat's car. It was quite cold out and the first snow was on its way.

"What about my car?" I asked her once I saw that we were driving in the direction of home and not work.

"Uh Romeo has been driving you to work Kia." She said smiling at me then looking back at the road. I didn't even smiled back when I nodded. I forgot that he drove me to and from work, sparing me annoying reporters trying to find out more about me. I just turned my head and looked out the window at the passing scenery. "Kia?" I turned to look at Kat only now noticing that the car has stopped.