Falling From The Floor

Ive Got To Let You Go

CHERYL's POINT OF VIEW

When I came back home from Atlanta- I went over Shemar's house to tell him what I want to do.

"....I didn't know you were coming over." He said as he closed the door behind us. I just got to the point.

"Shemar, we can't do this anymore. I have to fix my marriage and I-....I just can't do it anymore." I told him straight forward. He looked down and put his hands in his pockets.

"So....that's all? Just gonna let me go just like that, huh?" He asked me as he started looking sad in the face.

"I-....I have to, Shemar. I do love you so much but this is hurting me. It's ripping me apart and I'm not doing right in God's eyes. I can't be with you when I have a husband and 2 babies." I told him as I grabbed his hands. He looked away from me.

"I'm sorry." I said as I started crying. I never wanted to hurt him, yet- I did. "I need you as a best friend and nothing more. I cant keep doing this." I told him as I looked up a the side of his face.

His face was straight but a tear fell from one of his eyes. He was hurting...he just didn't want to show it. "I understand." He said as he let my hands go.

"Shemar-..." I said but he cut me off.

"Go home, Cheryl. I can't be your friend and love you the way that I do. I have to stay away from you. You don't understand how much I want and love you...I can't be around you and act like I don't. That shit would hurt me too much. Just go...." He said as he opened the door and moved out of the way for me to walk out. I walked up to him and stopped in front of him.

"Shemar, I'm sorry." I said as I placed one of my hands on his chest and the other one wiped away the tears that were flowing from his hard, straight and emotionless face. "I love you but-...it's just best this way." I told him.

He nodded his head and avoided eye contact. He then removed both of my hands and moved away from me. "Please....just leave." He said as he looked down and took a deep breath. I wiped my own face and just left. I've created this damage- I stepped out and now I've ruined my friendship that I've had for over 20 years.

I fixed myself up and went home. I didn't want Tony to see that I had been crying- I didn't want him to ask me and then I would have to lie....again.

"Home so soon?" Tony said with a straight face as he came out of Ciyle's room from putting him down for his nap.

"Yeah...." I said as I looked at him. We both stood in the hallway far away from each other. He looked at me and nodded his head.

"Tony, I hope that you're not still upset with me. I always say things but...I really do want to work this out with you." I said as I looked at him and then looking away.

"Cai is in her room. She can hear. Let's take this downstairs." Tony said as he walked past me and down the stairs. I stood there and just took a few breaths. I'm just happy that he's even talking to me about this again.

Once we were both downstairs and in our common place to talk- the kitchen, we both stood on the opposite side of the room.

"Maybe I've been hard on you lately. Overreacting maybe but- I'm just hurt, Cheryl. The thing that I keep thinking about is that I stopped but you kept going. You let him take your heart from me. I just did it out of loneliness and for the sex but I didn't fall in love with her. You fell in love with him..." He told me.

"I know and the love has always been there between us. It just grew in the midst of me wanting a divorce and all this other stuff. I couldn't help myself but him and I are over now, baby. It's just you and I now, I promise you that. I-....I made a horrible mistake but please don't let your heart grow cold because of what I've done." I said as I walked over towards him and grabbed both of his hands. I looked him in his eyes.