Secret // Calum Hood

21

Elena

When Calum asked me that fateful question, I knew I couldn’t try and deny it this time.  He’s too smart, sometimes too smart for his own good.  But I still didn’t want him to know.  I like opening up to Calum, telling him things about myself.  He’s the only person I trust to do so, besides Dad, but Dad doesn’t even know half of what’s going on.  I wish I could tell Calum more things, but I just can’t.  A part of me still wishes that no one knew about me, that I was still the lonely girl in the back of the class who didn’t have anyone but herself.  But that girl was getting nowhere.  So I decided that I should just tell him.  I grabbed Calum’s arm and told him to be quiet.  I led him to an empty janitor’s closet I used to hide in in Freshman year.  I turned on the light and shut the door.

“We have to be quiet,” I whispered.  He nodded, and we sat down on the floor, our clothes still dripping.  Calum took off his shirt, and it made me jealous that I couldn’t.  I couldn’t help but stare a little at his torso.  It was muscular in a lean way, not too much bulk, but you could tell he worked out.

“What is going on?” he asked seriously.

“I think you can put the pieces together,” I whispered.

“No, Elena.  I need you to tell me.  I need to hear it from you,” he whispered, looking into my eyes and taking both of my hands in his.  I took a deep breath.

“It started a few years ago, when Dad went on his first deploy.  She always had a few drinks here and then, but it was becoming more frequent.  Until she started having one every day, and then two.  And then she couldn’t be without one for more than a couple hours.  I was only about fourteen, just entering High School.  I knew what was going on, yet I was afraid to tell,” I started slowly.  

Calum nodded his head to tell me to continue.  I took another deep breath.  This was where I would reveal all.  There’s no going back from here.  From now on, I won’t be a sad little girl with so many secrets.  They’ll be out for Calum to know, and that scares me, but it also kind of feels good to tell someone.  I’m mostly scared though.  But I know Calum is just trying to do what’s best for me.  In this very short time that we’ve spent together, we’ve grown closer than some people do in months.  To think just this past weekend was when he found out about the first thing.  Just think, the day before that, he didn’t know anything.  And now I’m telling him some of my most vulnerable secrets.  But somehow, I trust him.  I trust that he’ll keep them safe, keep me safe.  

“It would start out with me doing something to make her angry.  She would shove me around or whatever.  And then...I remember the very first time she actually hit me.  I was washing one of my grandmother’s plates.  They were really old and valuable.  It-it slipped from my fingers and shattered.  She told me that I did it on purpose, I don’t know why she would think that!  And she just hit me, across the face.  I didn’t understand!” I cried.  I started to shake a little, and Calum brought me closer to him, letting me cry on his bare shoulder.

“I don’t understand anything anymore.  Maybe...maybe I deserve it,” I whispered, almost to myself.  Calum shook me gently.

“Hey!  Never say that!  You don’t deserve any of the pain that you’re in!  You did nothing wrong,” he said, bringing my head back to his shoulder and stroking my hair as I cried some more.  After a few minutes, I was done, feeling good that I told someone.  But everything would change from now on.