Secret // Calum Hood

37

Month 1

Elena

My first full day at the rehab was definitely a challenge.  I had a dream that I was running through a foggy forest, but couldn’t see my way out.  I think that’s what this place is like, at least in the beginning.  You’re running around, trying to find your way out and make sense of everything.  But you need help, you need guidance.  My schedule says that I have tutoring right after breakfast.  I was bummed that I still have to do homework here, but it’s alright because the tutor is really nice, and I’m never behind on homework anyway.  After tutoring is lunch, and then I have my one on one session.  I am extremely nervous about this.  I want to get better, but I’m not ready to spill all of my problems to a random person.  But as soon as I walked in the room, she smiled, and I felt like it was all okay, kind of.  I sat down and didn’t say anything.  I counted the ceiling tiles until she spoke.

“Hello, Elena.  How’s your first day going?” she asked.

“It’s going alright.  Everyone is so open here,” I commented.

“That’s how they heal.  Here, we teach that it’s okay to be open with and accept your struggles.  It’s a part of who you are, and who knows, if you’re open about it, you could one day be an example for someone, and help them,” she smiled.

“I do want to help people...but I don’t like everyone knowing my business,” I explained.

“That’s okay.  We won’t force you to open up.  But if you want to properly heal, you will have to be open, at least with me.  I won’t judge or tell anyone, I promise,” she said, crossing her fingers.  I shyly smiled.

“Okay”.

“Your file tells me you were sent to the hospital a few days ago for attempted suicide.  Who called the ambulance?” she asked.  I was surprised by this question.  I thought she would ask me why I attempted suicide, or what I was feeling at the time, or something really deep and personal like that, something that would scare me.  

“My friend, Calum,” I said, and I smiled slightly, thinking about him.

“How long have you known Calum?” she asked.

“A few months.  Well, since last year, but we became friends just a few months ago,” I explained to her.  I noticed she didn’t write on a sheet of paper or notepad like I’ve seen all the psychiatrists in movies do.  I’m glad she didn’t.  

“Is he your only friend?” she asked.

“Yes,” I answered unwillingly.  I wonder if it’s weird that I have only one friend.

“So you must care about him a lot,” she stated.

“Yes,” I answered.

“And he cares about you,” she said.

“Yes,” I answered again, not knowing where she was going with this.