Secret // Calum Hood

43

Elena

It’s been two months since I last saw Calum, seven months over all since I’ve been here.  I can honestly say that I am a much better person.  Yes, I’ve had a couple relapses.  But I know that just because I mess up, it doesn’t mean I will go back to the way I was.  It’s a process every day, and I am getting better and better at it.  My mind went back to the day that I finally told the truth about Naomi, and what I had done about it.

“Open up, please!  Please!” I cried, tears streaming down my blotchy face as I banged on the nurse’s door.  Nurse Scola opened the door and when she saw me in distress, she said “oh honey!” and ushered me inside.  I was in a right state.  I didn’t know what else to do, who else to go to.  Who was there at two in the morning to help me?

“Child, what have you done to yourself?” she gasped.

Her eyes caught the blood on my clothes that came from my wrists.  I stuttered and blubbered as I tried to explain what happened, but she told me to be quiet and to sit on the uncomfortable bed/table thing.  I did as I was told and tried to keep from having another fit.  I cried silently, a whimper escaping every now and then as Nurse Scola cleaned me up.  The antiseptic stung really badly.  I didn’t understand how something as little as antiseptic could hurt so much, when I had been putting a blade to my skin for years.  I received a shot and was bandaged up.  Now the whole rehab would finally know why I was in here.  

“What happened to make you do this to yourself, sweetie?  Look at you, a blubbery mess.  You don’t deserve this, even if you think you do,” she said softly as she stroked my hair.  I calmed down enough to breathe normally.  “That’s right, just breathe in and out”.

After about fifteen minutes, I told her I was okay to go back to my room.  She escorted me back and before she left, I told her to wait for a second.  I went to my mattress and lifted it up.  From underneath, I grabbed the pair of manicure scissors I had stolen the day the rehab had the beauty team from the spa come and sort us out.  I handed them to Nurse Scola, and I thought I saw her eyes flash with pain.  She sympathetically looked at me and then told me she would tuck me in to bed.  The next day, I was excused from all activities except for individual therapy.  That was where I told her what happened.

“But it is my fault.  I knew she was throwing up, and I didn’t tell anyone.  And then she got internal bleeding because of it.  She almost died,” I said, tears threatening to spill over the brim of my eyes.

“Elena, it doesn’t matter that you didn’t tell anyone.  You were scared, it’s understandable.  What’s important now is that you have told someone.  You need to forgive yourself.  Would it make it easier to do that if I said that Naomi can come back in a few days?” she consoled.

“No.  She’s going to hate me because I told you,” I said.

“No, she won’t”.

“Well then Kristen will hate me,” I said, trying to find an excuse for anything right now.

“No one hates you, Elena.  Everyone in this place has internal struggles.  Just be honest and kind.”