Secret // Calum Hood

32

Elena

I sat awake early the next morning, thinking about what I was going to do.  I can’t stay locked in here forever, no matter how much of a good idea that sounds right now.  Once my injuries have healed, I’ll have to go back to school.  I’ll have to deal with my mom, come up with an excuse as to why I’m not home.  This sounded like a good idea.  Stay here with Calum, and people who actually care about me.  Stay here in this strange land where everyone looks happy, and there’s a home cooked meal at least four times a week, and you can say stuff without being afraid of the consequences.  But now, it just seems foolish, running away.  Where would it ever take me?  Besides Calum, I have no other friends who can informally adopt me.  I have no family.  I could stay here forever, become a part of this family I guess.  Calum has told me hundreds of times that he would let me live here permanently in a heartbeat.  But what would that mean for Calum and me?  I can’t ignore the fact that we can’t be just friends.  If I were to stay here, we would basically be brother and sister.  That thought makes me kind of sick to my stomach.  Although I can’t do anything about it right now, Calum and I have this kind of connection that I thought I could ignore before, but I can’t.  

But I guess that’s how it has to be.  I will have to stay here permanently, ignore my feelings, and just accept the fact that I need recovery, I need a family, more than a boyfriend.  

“Hey, how are you?” Mali-Koa asked, appearing at the door.

“A little restless.  I’ve been doing some thinking,” I told her.

“About what?” she asked, sitting down on the chair that was still next to my bed.

“About what I’m going to do, where I’m going to go.  I can’t stay here forever,” I said.

“Well you could, I mean my mom cares about you like you’re her own.  Even though you’ve only spent time with her a couple of times, she can see how much Calum adores you.  We all can.  Whoever Calum loves, we love,” she said.  Her eyes then widened, her having realized what she just said.  “Pretend you didn’t hear that last part”.

I smiled in a sad kind of way, the way that says you agree, but you know it’s not possible.

“But if I were to stay here, what would that mean for us?  We would be like siblings.  That’s just weird.  And I don’t want you guys to feel like I just came here and shat on your lives,” I explained.

She laughed and then explained that I’m not ruining their lives just because I came here, with a lot of drama and unsolved problems.  

“Well anyway, I have to head off.  I’m moving to my first apartment and looking for a roommate,” she said, winking her brown eyes, making me laugh.  

“You go look for that roommate,” I said.

“I will.  But I think I want someone that I know.  Like someone a little closer to home,” she emphasized again.  What is she getting at?

 “Any roommate of mine is considered part of the family, but not off limits to dating a family member.  Just thought I would say that”, she added.