Secret // Calum Hood

44

Calum

The hot early July air made me wish that I had decided to stay inside for the day instead of agreeing to go with Hanna to the zoo.  The animals looked miserable, which made me miserable, the food was terrible, and Hanna insisted on holding hands so we didn’t get lost.  

Ever since the last time I saw Elena, I’ve tried my best to get over her.  After all, I was the one who said goodbye.  I will always love her, but it was just time to go our separate ways.  I still hurt, I still thought about her.  I still have all of the pictures I took of her, and a mixtape I had made for her that I never got the chance to give her.  Most importantly, I have a reminder of her in my work.  

We finally wrote and recorded our first official EP.  It was weird, walking around the shops and seeing it.  Not many places had it, just local record stores and places like that, places we knew the owner and they would give us a chance.  Management is working on getting us more promotion, but for now, I just want to sit back and relax and enjoy my summer as best I can without the girl of my dreams beside me.

I sent the EP to Elena.  Well I gave it to her father to give to her.  It had the song I wrote for her in it.  Even though we will probably never see each other again, I still wanted her to know how I felt.  I wanted her to know about all of the nights I sat awake thinking about her, about how I wish that I could just rewind and fix all of this.  

“Calum, what are you thinking about?” Hanna asked.  We were now at a local park, lying on the grass, looking up at the clouds from underneath a small shaded tree.  She supported herself with her elbows, her light auburn hair swaying in the slight breeze.  Her green eyes were focused on me with interest and concern.

“The band.  It’s finally happening for us,” I said.

“That’s really great.  Now tell me what you’re really thinking about,” she said.

I sighed.  I didn’t want to talk about this at all, but especially not with Hanna.  I didn’t want to upset her because...we are kind of on a date right now.

It’s nothing serious at all.  One day we were hanging out, and we decided to tell each other stuff the other person didn’t know about.  Hanna told me that she’s had a crush on me the past year, but she knew that I would never like her, especially after everything that happened between Derek, Janie and I.  I was surprised.  No one likes me.  No one but Elena.  I told her that if she likes me, then we should hang out sometime.  She asked if I meant like a date, and I said yes.  It’s just a harmless date.  Besides, it’s not like I have anyone else anymore.

So here we are, on our first date.  It didn’t really feel like a date, more like two friends hanging out.  But Hanna is really nice, and really pretty, and who knows, maybe if I give it some time…

“Okay, you got me.  I’m thinking about Elena,” I said.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about her,” Hanna said.

The great thing about Hanna is that she will let me talk about my love for another girl on our date.  She listens and understands that I still love Elena, and it will take a lot of time for me to really move on.  She told me I could take as much time as I need.