Downhill

Chapter 60

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“Becky please go out,” my mom sighs at me as I sit opposite her at the breakfast table.

“What?” I mumble, staring down at my cereal.

“You haven’t been to dance since before Christmas,” she tells me, “They’ll be rubbish without you.”

“No they won’t, it wouldn’t make a difference if I was there or not.”

“Why don’t you go today?” 

“Because, Hollie still hasn’t apologised and I’m not going to be her friend if I can’t trust her like I used to,” I say. Ii haven’t spoken to her since she screwed up the thing with Harry and the phone call, she can’t be a friend if she’s that mean. 

“Maybe you should just let it go, I’m sure she’s as upset about this as you are.”

“I’m not upset mom,” I look her in the eyes, “I’m not upset, if she can’t be nice and do what friends are supposed to do then she shouldn’t be a friend at all.”

“You haven’t spoken to Harry either.”

“That’s because I don’t want to,” I huff, “Why are you asking me all about this now? Why the sudden interest in my social life?”

“Becky, I’m worried about you,” she puts her spoon in her bowl and leans forward, “You’ve barely left your room for a month and it’s a new year, a new chance to turn over a new leaf and start again with some things. Maybe the whole thing with Harry didn’t work out but you can move on. And maybe you lost a friend but you can make new ones in college, you’ve been talking to Sam haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” I sigh. He’s the only person I’ve really talked to besides my family, he’s the only one who apologised about that night, even though he was asleep and didn’t know what happened. 

“There we go, you can make new friends through him and find a new friendship group,” mom tries to smile.

“But I don’t really want a new friendship group, I liked my old one before Hollie went and messed everything up.”

“You should try and talk to them then,” she tells me.

“No, they should be the ones apologising to me,” I say simply. Even Lee hasn’t talked to me and that’s unusual, he was like my brother and I actually really miss him.

“If you made new friends you could go out with them, go to events and stuff,” mom tries to explain.

“But I’d rather be at home.”

“Staring at pictures of your ex boyfriend on twitter,” mom says bluntly. 

“Oh my gosh,” I sigh. Mom annoys me so much when she gets like this, it’s as though she’s taking digs at me just so I’ll do something to shut her up. In this case she wants me to make new friends and socialise. 

“It’s true Becky,” she calls after me as I walk out of the kitchen and head back up to my room. 

The thing is, yes it’s true but it’s not like intentionally find pictures of Harry. My twitter feed is full of him and I can’t just erase him from the internet. One Direction are all over the magazines and stuff still, so I can’t get away. 

I know I’ve been extremely antisocial recently but if no one has bothered to try and rekindle our friendship then they obviously don’t think I’m worth anything as a friend. 

And college starts tomorrow again. Just kill me now.

I don’t want to have to face people, especially since some magazines and websites have posted pictures of me and Harry. I want to move on and I can’t do that if I’m constantly being reminded of him.