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Feelings of lust

"(Y/N).......are you awake?"

I roll over slightly, looking underneath my covers at whoever it was that decided to come into my room without knocking. Of course I am awake; I wasn't able to fall asleep at all last night.

Usually when I cry, I cry until I am too tired to feel sad anymore. I let all of my emotions out until I can't even keep my eyes open, my mind shutting down and giving me the best sleep I have had in a while. That wasn't the case for last night.

I'm not sure what it was, but I could not fall asleep. I cried until I could see the sun start to come into my room through my curtains, it getting in my eyes and reminding me of how early in the morning it was. I couldn't even fall asleep after I ran out of tears, my eyes puffy, red, and swollen.

"Jimin, what didn't you understand from last night?" I ask quietly, not in the mood to deal with him right now. I sit up and my blankets fall off of me, exposing the red from the dress that I still haven't changed out of. I took all of my makeup off but I couldn't bring myself to take the dress off, my mind too preoccupied and worn out to deal with it.

"Taehyung told me to give you this" he says lowly, holding something up as he takes cautious steps forward. I scoff when I see that it is the mask that I threw at him, rolling my eyes in disbelief. He didn't even have the decency to bring it to me himself. 

"If thats all you needed, you can leave now."

"Actually....."

I bring my gaze back up to Jimin as he sits down on the edge of my bed, drawing my knees up to my chest in apprehension. He stares at me for what seems like hours, his eyebrows crinkled as he seems to have an internal battle with himself.

"I wanted to say that I'm s-sorry."

My eyes widen almost comically at his confession, my attention now fully on him. I have never seen Jimin like this before, his cocky and confident personality completely gone and replaced by a shy boy, his eyes cast downward as he bites his bottom lip in hesitation.

"I-I'm sorry for what I have done to you. Last night you said that I didn't know what it felt like to be manipulated.....but I do."

He takes a deep, shuddering breath as he looks anywhere but at me, it obvious that its taking everything in him to tell me this. I almost have half a mind to tell him that he doesn't have to explain himself to me, but I am way too curious about what he has to say to stop him at this point.

"My great grandfather was the Deadly Sin of Lust" he says softly, his hands clasped together in his lap as he stares at them. "Anyone in our family after that had his powers, even those who were brought into the family by marriage."

"I didn't have my dad around much to teach me how to control my powers. My mom died when I was really young, and he seemed to retreat into himself because of our loss. The cravings of lust that I had were innocent at first, simply me lusting after things like money, toys, and food. I didn't even know that you could lust after another person until I was nine."

"Thats when my dad remarried" his voice shakes as he glances up at me only to look away again, his hands shaking from how hard he is holding onto them. "My step sister got her powers right after the marriage ceremony. She was different from me from the start. She lusted after everything, and I didn't know what to do. It wasn't long until she....until s-she......"

I can't believe my eyes, my mouth dropping open when he looks up to the ceiling. He blinks his eyes rapidly as he brings his hands so that they are above his head, his mouth blowing out air as he tries to calm himself down. He doesn't want to cry in front of me, his eyes and nose turning red as he looks back down at the covers of my bed.

"S-she would use me the way that I used you, and I couldn't tell anyone. M-my dad wouldn't believe me, and my new mom w-would always take her side. That's how I grew up. She would keep doing things to me until I believed that that was how life worked. I-I thought that was what I was supposed to do to other people. It took you yelling at me to remind me what it felt like; how awful I felt after the effects of her spell would wear off."

"I can't control myself sometimes" he says as he looks around the room again. "The urge gets so hard to control, my body physically hurting if I don't do anything about it. I tried really hard that one day when I cornered you in the hall. I was just going to walk away, but I hadn't done anything in what felt like ages. My mind went black, and I didn't come back to my senses until I heard Taehyung yelling at me. I just......"

"I'm so s-sorry" he all but sobs, looking at me and maintaining eye contact for the first time since he started his story. I can't help but feel bad for him as tears start falling down his cheeks, my own eyes watering just from looking at him. 

I had no idea that he grew up that way. I also had no idea that it was his powers that were controlling him, him a slave to the lust that is flowing through his veins. He must feel awful if he is crying in front of me after telling me his whole life story.