Fate and Fury

I love you Jerk

The 20 minutes ride back home only covered for about 10 mins. I hurried going up and unlocked the door just to see him sitting on the couch with his head down in between his hands looking dead hopeless.

He only now wearing his white sleeve with loosen bowtie and his blazer dropped onto the floor. I glanced at his luggage placed just beside the door.

'' leaving so soon??'' he looked up to me with his tired and bloody red eyes.

'' yes, I'm just waiting for you to say goodbye '' he plainly replied and stood up heading for the door. He passed by me silently brushing our shoulders but not glancing back.

'' Baby please....'' I begged but he continue walking. Now opening the door.

'' Jeffrey, don't you ever take another step or we're done!!!!'' I shouted, but he ignored me.

'' DAMN IT JEFFREY I'M BEING SERIOUS HERE, TAKE ANOTHER STEP AND WE'RE REALLY DONE!! ''

He stopped slamming the door closed.

'' THEN SO BE IT. I AM A LOSER GWEN. I AM NOTHING' EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART. I'M NOTHING DON'T YOU SEE. I'M F****** WORTHLESS!!!!!!'' he shouted back and I feel my heart in great pain, sank in a deep blue sea ready for sea creatures to feast on it.

'' So you're giving up on me? you're giving up on us??? '' I told him almost crying.

I tried to hold back my tears, but the pain was too unbearable and now it starts falling down my face. He looked at me then down to the floor just shaking his head.

'' I'm giving up on me not on us'' He said weakly

'' It's the same thing, when you give up now then there's no more us, so please.....'' I sobbed.

He open his mouth then close.We fell into silence, then suddenly I saw him punched the wall.

'' Jeffrey stop!!''

when I was about to go for him he yelled out.

'' DON'T COME NEAR ME GWEN! BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND'' he said in rage his fist still connected to the wall.

'' Then let me understand'' I told him sniffing my nose as I am sobbing so hard.

He withdrew his hand from the wall leaving a trickle of blood onto it and rest it on his side still looking down.

'' I'm a monster. I'm a monster'!! he sobbed

'' baby ''

I try again to take another step going to him but he retorted immediately not letting me to come near him.

'' please stay there. I don't want to hurt you''

'' you won't because you're not a monster but if you go and leave me I'm not just going to be hurt...I'm going to die ''

My voice broke and my heart was now filled with sadness and longing for him.

'' you don't have a clue .........'' he still have something to say but I interjected.

'' Believe me I have. I know everything, James told me ''

after hearing those words he finally decided to make our eyes connected.

'' he did?? '' he asked with the look of being scared or sadness I was not sure but I know it was not a look of relief.

I nodded

'' and I'm sorry Sasha that I caused you that. I thought that was the right thing to do in that moment but I was clearly wrong. I was just so love you and I thought that letting you go would make you free from misery that I could bring to you. I didn't thought of the aftermath I'm sorry. ''

I clearly said slightly throwing my arms in disbelief of myself as my tears still pouring down. When I looked back to Jeffrey I saw him both smiling and crying. I send him a querry and confusing look.

'' you love me? '' He asked

'' what the hell jeff, really you asking me that now? ''

'' JUST TELL ME GWEN FOR CHRIST SAKE!'' he yells again

'' YES! god jeff stop yelling at me ''

Even he's still weeping I definitely saw his eyes sparkles.

'' Do you mean it?? ''

'' Ofcourse I do LOVE YOU from then up to now, seriously?? '' I answered him but still confused.

He fell silent then started to cry much harder his arm covering his eyes. I strode up to him and hugged him.

'' Why are you crying??'' I asked but the funny thing is even me was crying.

'' because you just told me you love me and you never did before'' he sobbed removing now his arm, fixing his bloody red eyes to mine.

'' I didn't???'' I asked innocently and he shook his head.

'' I'm sorry baby I didn't know '' I laughed while wiping his tears and him wiping mine.

'' I love you.'' I murmured as I encircle my arms to his neck and we again embraced each other.

He sighed.

'' I love you too, but......'' he stopped so I pulled myself up trying to level my face to his.

'' but.....? ''

He sighed again.

'' I'm a loser, a monster and a jerk, with these being me would you still love me.?'' I forced a smile in the acceptance of his insecurities.

'' first of all you're not a loser and even so I'll still take you. In fact I can support you for a lifetime even I am not yet graduated *we both chuckled*
you being a monster? then I'll be your master to command you to stop from turning and you being a jerk then I'll love you much deeper because that's the reason why I fell inlove with you in the first place '' I replied breathelessly looking down on his lips.

I wanted to kiss him so bad but I didn't know if he feels the same, my heart was beating so fast and I gulped.I meet his gaze and we're like talking without even opening our mouths.

I waited for him to make the first move but he didn't so I just turn around trying to calm down the rising heat inside me and start to walk away.