A Fight With Depression

How my life ended

At the age of eight years old. I lost my dad, i lost my dad even before i could get to know him. It was Christmas night of 2008 and my whole family was having a huge get together for the holidays and what's a holiday without a little liquor, whine and beer? That's where everything went wrong in my eyes. My dad was a madman when drunk and so was my grandfather.

I was just like everyother eight year old, all exept for my temper. I was a very very violent kid. Everytime i got pissed off, id throw a fit and when really mad punch something or someone. All through grade school i struggled with my temper and i never knew that a temper could get someone killed.

Anyways back to Christmas.

My whole family was together and for the first time my dad was in the picture. He lived in Iowa until i turned 6 when i turned 7 he had been in my life and i had finally accepted that i have a father.

The Christmas party was awesome, a lot of food, candie, and a lot of goodies. But like every party parties and Christmas happen at night. And at the age of eight, it was kinda hard to stay awake cor so long.

It was just me and my big sister out of me my sister and my brother my brother was at his dads house for Christmas, (everyone in my family has a different dad) And i was falling asleep in the family room. I wanted to go see what the grown-ups were doing but when i got up and looked in the kitchen i saw my dad, but with a look on his face with frustration and rage, but when he made eye contact with me he seemed to mellow a little bit. But as the evening went on i noticed that they were starting to fight, my mom and dad were in a heated argument.

So my big sister came and got me with  my grandfather's daughter.  And took me to the back bedroom, so i didn't have to see the arguing.

But as the door is shut, me and my sister herd a loud bang. I didn't quite know what it was at first, because I was little. But what was to come would change my life forever.

My mom ran to the back room saying to my grandfather's daughter "Justin's been shot, Justin's been shot."

At that moment my sister started crying because she herd the gunshot. I was in a haze of tiredness because it was about 10:45 at night. 

My dad was shot in the chest and the bullet pierced through his lung. He died about an hour later.

But then police come escort me and my big sister out of the house. And i don't see anything but i know something isn't right. My mom meets us ay our car. And it looks like she has been crying. Not knowing what's going on. I think i fall asleep.

But the next day while i was playing outside my mom gets a call from someone saying that my dad Justin Eilers is dead.

My mom breaks the bad news to me after i go inside,  and at first i didn't believe it.  I was only eight years and have never had to go through something like this. But when i get confirmation i break down crying. I still cant believe that he's gone.  To this day, i cant believe that he's gone. I had to grow up without a dad. I had to go through puberty without a dad,  i missed out on all the fun things that dads do. The day my father died, is the day a part of myself died with him.  Although i didn't know him that well, i still knew that, that was my dad,  and things would never be the same.

Its almost been ten years since the tragedy and i haven't gone a day without thinking of my father in heaven.

Authors Note
I wrote this to help myself feel better.  It helps to remember all that,  and all that is off the top of my head, and from memory.