anonymity was never an option

85: dean

"His name is Castiel." Dean sighed once she sat down at the island.

"Who? The kid that stuff belongs to?" She situated herself on the stool.

"Yeah." He stirred the pasta. "He's Gabriel Novak's younger brother."

"Woah Gabe has a younger... wait he was that kid at Lucifer's party that got drunk off his ass!"

"Yeah..." Dean smiled. "That's him."

"What's he doing here?"

"He uh... he lives here." He nodded, turning around to face Lisa.

"About time you found a roommate." She leaned her head into her hand.

"He's not just a roommate Lisa." Dean closed his eyes.

Her eyes met his with a sense of confusion. She stayed quiet and waited for Dean to speak, which was something so uncharacteristically Lisa, he didn't know what to do.

"He's my boyfriend." He mumbled, looking down.

"You're kidding right?" She smiled.

Dean turned around to stir the pasta, not wanting to answer her with disappointment. Dean was always a disappointment. He couldn't make his father happy, and now he couldn't make Lisa happy. She was one of his best friends, she had been since they were little. The thought of her being disappointed in him was something that broke Dean's heart.

His heartbeat was racing. He stirred the spoon in the water a few times before dropping it back down on to the counter top. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Calm down, Dean.

Why was he so anxious? He wanted to cry and he didn't know why.

But he did know why.

Because all he does is let down the people he cares about.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Dean..." Lisa craned her head to look at him.

"Oh my god, you're serious." She whispered.

"I... Lisa... I'm sorry." He mumbled as he felt his eyes start to water.

Stop it, Dean.

He heard the sound of her stool scooting out against the hard wood and knew she was either leaving or coming over to him.

She softly stepped across the kitchen floor, looking at Dean the whole time. She reached her hand out to his shoulder, causing the first tear to slip down Dean's face.

"Dean look at me." Lisa spoke softly.

He took a deep breath and turned his face away from her as he felt the next train of tears falling down.

"Dean..." She rubbed his shoulder gently.

Dean closed his eyes and turned to face her, pulling her hand away from him calmly.

"Oh don't cry..." She lifted her finger up to his cheek and wiped the first few away. "I'm not upset. You shouldn't be either."

"How are you not upset with me? I know you've been in love with me since like senior year." He mumbled.

She nodded her head and looked at the floor.

"Well you're not wrong." She grimaced. "But I want you to be happy too."

Dean sighed and took a deep breath.

"Dean... I love you. I do. But I will always love you. You've been my best friend for as far as I can remember, it's just something that comes naturally to me. I don't have to be with you to realize how important you are to me. And I'm not gonna lie... yeah I would've loved to have dated you, but you obviously don't feel the same and that's fine. I'll get over it. It's no big deal, there are plenty of other guys out there."