anonymity was never an option

67: castiel

"Hey Dean." Castiel mumbled into Gabriel's phone.

He picked at the bottom of the phone where there was overlap between the case and the actual device itself.

The leather case felt so much different in his hands than the smooth bare phone that Castiel had. Well... used to have.

"Cas! Um... this isn't your phone number..."

Castiel looked out of the window, barely looking at his own reflection in the glass. He could see the tears welling in his eyes.

"Yeah. I um... I broke it." His voice slipped.

He could hear the crack. He took a deep breath. There was a subtle shift he heard on the other line.

"Hey angel, you okay?" Dean spoke softly.

"No."

"Whats wrong? Are you hurt? Is Gabriel being an asshole?"

"No he's not." Cas mumbled quietly, tracing a raindrop down the window.

"Okay well, where are you? Are you okay?"

Dean was so gentle. So caring. No one had ever been that way towards Castiel besides Michael. And now Michael is dead.

And Cas couldn't say the words out loud.

What would Castiel ever do if he lost Dean? He couldn't even fathom to think about it. What kind of a world it would be where no one cares about him.

"I'm...I'm at Gabriel's." Cas was trying to keep his voice up. Trying to hide the fact that he couldn't stop crying. Trying to forget.

"Would you like me to come get you? We can go to dinner. Anything you want."

"Alright." He said sniffling, cursing at himself in his head for being such a sap.

"Hey, don't cry. I'll be there soon." Dean said on the other line, Castiel could hear the jumble of keys and the closing of a door in the background.

"Okay."

"Alright I'm gonna go. I'll see you in a few."

"Bye Dean."

Castiel closed his eyes, and dropped his arm with the phone back down towards his side. He could hear the rain pattering on the roof. It was such a melancholy feeling.

Rain.

Michael used to tell him that rain was a good thing, but Castiel never saw anything good in wet, cold days, that ruin your hair and leave you damp for the duration of class. What did Michael ever see in rain anyways?

Peace?

He never had anything to run away from.

Quiet?

It seemed pretty damn loud.

Maybe he just liked the fact that when it was raining outside all of his family was under one roof. They had no where else to go. Gabriel couldn't go play pranks on the neighbor girl, Anna couldn't play soccer with the boys down the street, Cas couldn't walk to the library with Balthazar... all his younger siblings were all together all at once.

Castiel missed that.

On rainy days, Michael would call them all downstairs and they would play games by the fireplace. When the power went out they chased each other around the house with flashlights pretending they were ghosts and tripping over throw pillows. Gabriel would usually ruin the fun somehow by breaking a bone, or occasionally smashing an ancient vase of moms collection— but it all made sense now why Michael loved the rain. Because there was nothing more in the world that Michael loved more than his siblings, and that... was his definition of fun.