How To Love (Niall Horan Fanfic)

Lifting Of The Mood

It had been almost two months since I had truly smiled. Smiling was a luxury only the happy could have, and that wasn't me. I walked over to the mirror and looked at myself and realized my appearance, it was horrifying. I hadn't showered in almost two weeks, or brushed my teeth. I wore pajamas that I switched into after the funeral, they were starting to smell. I hadn't brushed my hair, and never bothered to pull the greasy, knotted, mess back into a bun. My clothes were baggier on me from the lack of eating, I couldn't eat knowing Jenny never would again. She loved eating, I couldn't eat her favorite foods, (which was every food). I vomited often, mom tried to bring me food but was never able to open my door. She would knock once and leave the food at the door, then come back before bed and place the uneaten food in the trash. My grades were slipping from absence, but on the days I did go to school I slept on the desks. Niall wasn't at school either, but in a way, it didn't bother me. I didn't know if he knew about Jenny, but he didn't call or text me, so my guess was he did know. I wanted to feel the happiness of his touch again, but with every spark of happiness came a stab of guilt. Jenny was dead because of me, I was happy while she died, I was happy while she was in hell.

Dad knocked on my door and begged for me to go to school. I went because I could almost hear the cracking of his heart, it wasn't fair to him that his last child was almost gone. At school I didn't sleep, instead I stared over at where Niall usually sat, missing him. The bell rang for lunch and everyone ran out of their seats, desperate to leave the room. I grabbed my bag to follow the crowd but my teacher stopped me.

"Kennedy?" Ms. Violet called.

"Yes?" I replied without making eye contact.

"How are you feeling?" She sounded concerned, like everyone who spoke to me.

"I'm great. Just tired, that's all." I faked a smile.

"No, you're not," she wasn't happy, "You've been an A student for the whole year, why are you at an F now?" I didn't want to talk about Jenny.

"I just," I hesitated, "Lost ambition." It was kinda true. Ms. Violet sighed and motioned for me to sit at a chair by her desk. I sat in it, preparing myself for a shrink speech.

"I heard about your sister, Kennedy. And I know it is hard on you, but we need to fix your grades. It's not just your grades, I noticed your number in friends dwindling. That boy, what's his name again? Oh! Niall, you two seemed to get along pretty well, where did he go off too?" I honestly didn't know where he went, but when I replied with, "I don't know," it sounded like a lie. She gave me a look in disbelief and told me to talk to the counselor for help. I thanked her and left the room, I wanted to see Niall desperately. Instead of sitting in my usual corner of the lunchroom, I walked outside to the football field. No one was there during lunch, I was completely alone, so I dialed Nialls number in my phone. It was the first time I had tried to contact him since he dropped me off at home before the funeral, I was worried over what he would say. He didn't answer his phone. Angry, I threw my phone into the grass and sat in the grass. But before I could beat myself up my phone rang, Niall was calling back. I hesitated to answer it, but I eventually did.

"For a second, I thought you weren't going to answer. I thought I had lost my chance to talk to you forever." He was hurrying to get the words out.

"I missed you." I blurt out, not replying to his statement.

He let go of a breath and replied, "I missed you too." I could feel his smile across the line. I smiled too, it was the first time in forever.

"You're smiling," he stated, "It's beautiful."

"How'd you know?"

"Look up." So I did, and Niall stood across the field. I dropped my phone by my bag and started running towards him, the tears filling my eyes again. When I reached him we collided, and hugged tightly. My ribs were mostly healed by then, so it didn't hurt as bad anymore, but he was still careful. When we pulled away Niall wiped away my tears and kissed me gently on the forehead. I grabbed his hands and squeezed them as tightly as I could, never wanting to let go. There was a connection between us, I could feel it. We are tied together with a rope, when we stray too far from each other the rope thins out, and strands break. But when we are near the rope coils up around us pinching us together. And I held on to that rope like I held onto him.

"Let me take you out tonight," Niall said more as a command than a question. But it was better that way, it prevented me from making excuses.

"Okay," I replied, a part of me fought it and wanted to run back to my room, but I told myself it was best. Niall smiled large and hugged me again. His touch lifting my spirit slightly. I nuzzled my nose into his neck to breathe in his smell. I was missing his natural smell mixed with cologne, it was a heavenly smell.

"Screw school for now," Niall smirked, crinkling his nose up in a smile.

"Please," I replied. We grabbed my stuff and walked off the field to his car. His car looked the same from when I last sat in it, nothing moved. I sat in the passenger seat next to him and we relaxed for a moment, letting the warm sunlight hit us through the glass. Niall grabbed my hand and held it tightly, resting it on his lap.

"Where should we go?" Niall asked, and looked into my eyes deeply. I didn't reply because he already knew, anywhere that's alone with him was where I most happy. So we drove to his place, back to the old apartment. Inside it was messy, Niall quickly explained, "I couldn't concentrate on cleanliness.. I've been stressing about you." He said. There was beer and cans of soda cluttering the room, mostly in front of the television. He had a large king size bed with plain navy blue covers, and large white pillows that looked like clouds floating around his bed sat messily on his bed. A desk was in the corner where I noticed a framed picture of Niall and I at the fishing pond. I smiled as I remembered the night, I wish I could go back to that happiness.

"Uhh," Niall stutters awkwardly, "I hope you don't take that as weird... That I have a photo of us framed." He looked down at his feet, his cheek touching his shoulder.

"Awe, Niall. Don't be so bashful, I think it's cute that you would do such a thing. Have any extra?" I smiled big for him, I didn't want him to feel embarrassed.

"I'll get you one, I'll bring it to you tomorrow?"

'Sure," I replied.

In the corner of the room there was a large flat screen with a PS3 underneath it, a few games were stacked next to it. I never knew he liked to play video games.

"Want to watch some Netflix?" Niall asked.

"Yeah!" It was an opportunity to do something with him without talking. Niall turned on the PS3 and went to Netflix, we watched one of his favorite movies, and sat silently through the whole thing. The sun was setting, and I worried about my curfew, but I needed time to escape for awhile. We sat on his couch for a while, not saying anything, just replaying scenes from the movie in our heads.

"Can I take you out on a date? Now?" Niall blurted out into the silence. I took a moment to reply.

"Sure," I sounded unenthusiastic, "Yeah! Sure!" I tried harder.

"Are you really sure? You sound like you're faking it."

"No, no. I'm sure," I said truthfully. Niall shrugged it off and got up for us to go. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," Niall smirked.

"It's not going to be at that club, right?" I was starting to worry again.

"No! No, no. This will be much more... usual? For lack of a better word." Niall picked up his jacket, then paused, then handed me one of his green sweaters. "It might get chilly." I accepted it and held on to it, I could smell the scent of his cologne lingering on it. He grabbed my hand and walked me out of his room and to his car, I loved how he held my hand.