The Reasons Why {Jimin}

Reason 22

I woke up in my warm bed with the sun shining brightly trough my window. I already had a feeling this would be a great day. I expected the smell of breakfast to fill the apartment as I stepped out my room, but disappointment hit me in the face. There was no breakfast, no Jimin standing in the kitchen, the only thing I noticed was silence. The apartment was silent.

I walked into the kitchen confused to what was going on. My eyes landed on Jimin who sat on the couch across the apartment in the living room. He sat looking at the wall tapping his leg.

"Hey" I said softly looking at him confused to what was going on.

"When were you going to tell me?" He asked turning his head looking at me and I could already tell he was mad about something.

"What do you-"

"Cut the shit Carmen" Jimin said standing up from the couch.

"Why did you run off at you fitting yesterday?" He asked with a stern look. I looked at him for a couple of seconds before looking down at the floor. I didn't even know what to say. It would be easy to think "just tell the truth" but saying it was harder.

"And why did you lie to me" Jimin sighed.

"I thought we had moved passed some of that" Jimin sighed shaking his head like a disappointed parent.

"I don't know how to be honest with you" I said truthfully looking back up at him again feeling myself wanting to cry.

"Carmen, I care about you, I just want to know you and what's going on" Jimin said almost pleading. Tears started to roll down my cheeks as I looked at him.

"I'm sorry" I let out so low I didn't know if he even heard it.

"Who told you?" I asked wondering how he had even found out about all of this.

"Your mother told my mother, and she told me" he explained.

"Can you just tell me what happened" Jimin asked. I looked at him nodding with tears streaming down my face. I was scared what I was going to tell him would hurt him, but lying to him would hurt even more.

I walked over to the couch and sat down, Jimin sat down beside me leaning his elbows against his thighs as he looked at me.

"I just put the dress on in the fitting room and it didn't feel like I belonged in it" I explained with my eyes on the floor.

"I felt like it was taking a part of me away" I said with tears overflowing in my eyes.

"I can't do all of this" I confessed.

"I don't fit in, not in this life" I sobbed.

"Carmen"

"We'll take it step by step ok? We don't need to act like we're married when we get married, we'll act like we've just met and that we're just getting to know each other" Jimin started with his hand on my back rubbing small circles.

"We don't have to rush anything in our actual lives, the marriage part is just a pice of paper" Jimin said as I looked up at him while he smiled at me. Why did that piece of paper control everything we did and everything I felt.

Even with his reassuring words I couldn't take them to heart. I wanted to feel that I wanted to do it like that, but I didn't. I wanted to start over and become myself, before I shared any part of myself with anyone else. I want to have other experiences so I can get to know the world and myself. I want to take those experiences and make them help me through difficult times to come. I would never have that opportunity when I didn't get the chance to live before I was trapped in a life I didn't agree to, or want to that matter.

"We'll try to work trough all of this, together ok?" Jimin said and I couldn't do anything else than to just nod and hope we could be able to do so.

"I'll go and make some breakfast for us" Jimin finished our conversation off as he stood up. He gestured me to hold his hand and I did. He helped me off the couch and we walked into the kitchen together.

I sat down on the chair in the kitchen. Jimin gave me a kiss before walking to the fridge to get his ingredients. I couldn't help myself from smiling at him. If we had just meet in a different way, in a different world where we could fall for each other without the timestamp or pressure around us things would be both better and easier for us.

"Maybe you should ask that friend of yours to come over again, I kind of ruined it the last time" Jimin suggested as he placed a slice of bacon in the pan.

"Maybe, or maybe just us two can watch a movie together" I suggested with a smile wide across my face.

"That also sounds great" Jimin said with a pleased smile on his face. He leaned over to me giving me another sweet kiss.

It was clear to me now that I had feelings towards Jimin, maybe I had just denied them for so long I had lost them so deep inside me. The way he said my name and the way he kissed me, it made me feel something I had never thought I could feel before. Right now it was perfect. In the kitchen in the early morning, things could be great, for once.

A/N
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