The Reasons Why {Jimin}

Reason 34

Four days until the weeding...

We were on our way to the rehearsal dinner. One dinner wasn't enough, or maybe it just wasn't perfect enough for jimins parents liking. The whole drive to the way to the dinner I had a lump in throat. I didn't know why I couldn't just be like Jimin who seemed so ready and happy about this marriage thing, what was wrong with me? Everything was going so good and here I am unsure if I want to marry the man I love. Could it be that I'm unsure if my feelings were real or not. Could I be scared my feelings had been developed trough forced emotions? What ever it was I wanted it to go away so I could marry him without these bad thoughts lingering in the back of my mind. Maybe this dinner will make me think of other things, probably not but I could hope for it.

"Carmen?" Jimins voice asked making me snap out of my annoying thoughts. I snapped my head in his direction.

"I asked if you're ready to go inside?" He asked with a duh tone.

"Sorry, yes of course" I said shaking my head hoping it would shake some of the bad thoughts away as well.

He gave me a strange smile knowing I was thinking of something on the car ride here. He opened the car door and got out and I followed. The building we had pulled up to was too much. This was where our weeding would be held in just a few days, and by looking at it, a lot of people would be coming.

The building was old school, it looked like a smaller sized castle. We had only been driving thirty minute out of town and this is what we find just right outside of town. It was beautiful don't get me wrong, but it was way more than I had expected. My breathing became quicker just looking at where I would be getting married in just a few days.

"Isn't it great" Jimin said behind me excited. I couldn't tell him my true feelings it would break his heart and ruin everything, and I didn't want that. Maybe after the weeding things would go back to what I wanted it to be, which I didn't even know what was.

"It's beautiful" I smiled back at him finding it hard to smiled so excitedly when it was all fake.

"You haven't seen the inside yet" he smirked at me. I let out a small giggle at how excited he was. His arm sneaked around my waist as we walked up the building.

"Our parents are already here, they're probably planning everything we're going to do in twenty years" Jimin joked but his joke only made me more nervous. I could feel my heart beat hard against my chest the closer we got to the building.

As jimins hand landed on the door I couldn't do it.

"Stop" I said sternly. Jimin moved his hand away from the door looking at me confused with furrowed brows.

"I-I can't" I stuttered out looking at him frantically.

"What do you mean?" He asked not understanding, which was understandable since I hadn't shared my worried thoughts to him at all.

"I'm so freaking nervous, worried and just freaking out in general about all of this" I confessed with heavy breathing feeling myself about to panic.

"About the weeding?" He asked with a mix of worried and sad eyes. It hurt me seeing him like this. He probably thought I didn't want to be with him. I wanted to be with him, but not like this.

"Yes Jimin" I breathed seeing him swallow the lump in his throat as my words made their way out into the universe.

"You don't want to marry me?" He asked stepping backwards.

"That's not it" I defended. Once again I lied. I didn't want to marry him, not like this. I wanted to marry him if we had fallen for each other, normally, and he had proposed after we had dated for a few years, but it wasn't like this. I had to tell him a reason that wouldn't break him apart.

"I just don't know if I can please your parents, or if I'll even be a good wife, you know?" I said making up something that sounded believable but still was half true. Jimins face lit up and he looked more calm and confident again. My words really did reassure him, I only wish they were true.

"Carmen baby, you're only nervous, that normal in a situation like this"
Smiled walking closer to me.

"I'll be with you all the way. My parents set you up with me, they must me pleased with you already" he said reassuring me placing his hands on each side of my face.

"You can't do anything wrong in all of this" he said and I immediately got a sinking feeling inside. I could do so much wrong in all of this, but those thoughts had I only pushed in the back of my mind pretending they didn't exist.

"What matters is that we're together, right?" He asked burning his eyes into mine. I nodded with a faint smile on my face. His hands dropped to his sides and one landed in my hands. Our fingers intertwined.

"Should we go inside now? Our parents are probably waiting for us" he chuckled. I nodded as we started walking again and this time actually opening the door and walking in.

Even if I wasn't ready for marriage, Jimin certainly was, which made me more confident for some reason. He could have my back trough all of this, even in my most insecure moments, which was always reassuring. Maybe I would be able to accept this and go through with all of this after all.

A/N
I was desperately writing this. I just had to have a quick mental breakdown before writing this, but I wrote it so applause to me. (Remember to vote!)