The Reasons Why {Jimin}

Reason 39

Jimin POV

I didn't run after her. There wasn't a reason to. She didn't want to marry me and I couldn't change her mind. Maybe she loved me, but she didn't love me enough, or maybe our love wasn't true enough. I wasn't embarrassed by what she had done, I was more hurt but also happy for her. I knew she was a though girl but doing what she did today was something I don't think many dared to do.

I was scared driving home knowing the apartment would be empty and that I may never see Carmen again. I hoped we could maybe one day see each other and maybe even have a talk about how our lives went without each other. I'm not mad at Carmen. I should have realized that every time she got cold feet or brought up the point that she wasn't up for the marriage thing, that she wasn't joking or was just nervous. I should have understood that she was going to leave me at the alter. I was stupid to let love blind me.

At one last attempt to catch Carmen and say goodbye, I stopped at the cafe she had worked at for a little while now.

I stumbled into the cafe that was surprisingly still open. Maybe Hoseok knew I was coming tonight, maybe someone had told him what had happened.

I walked in making the bell at the door ring. I looked down at my feet all the way over the the nearest table to the door. My suit was more and more uncomfortable with each step. I wanted to take it off to get rid of that uncomfortable feeling, but also never take it off feeling a sad attachment to the suit.

"Hey" a low voice said placing a glass of beer in front of me. I didn't have to look up to know it was Hoseok standing in front of me. I didn't look up at him but rather taking a large sip of my beer.

Hoseok went around the table and sat down opposite off me. Obviously Carmen wasn't here but I still needed to know if she had been here tonight or if he had maybe just caught a glimpse of her.

"Have you seen Carmen?" I asked looking at my glass of beer holding it firmly in my hand.

"I'm sorry Jimin" Was all he responded with. I looked up at him with furrowed brows.

"So you've seen her tonight" I stated more than asked.

"I don't need to talk to her to know what happened today. I can see it on your face" he pointed out. He didn't even say her name. Maybe knowing it would hurt too much to hear anyone say it out loud.

"I think you need to go home Jimin" he said making me realize I was on the verge of tears. I quickly blinked them away.

"You're right" I said with a fake weak smile getting up from my chair.

"Thanks for the beer" I said looking at Hoseok with a forced smile.

"No problem" he responded. I could hear how bad he was feeling for me in his voice. I cleared my throat placing the chair back in place.

"I'll see you around" I said waving at him before turning my back and walking towards the door.

"Sure" Hoseok responded.

The minute I stepped out of that cafe the tears I had been building up all night rushed down my face. I was happy it was dark outside so no one could see a crying man in the street as they passed me. Hoseok being so nice to me knowing some what, what had happened was what I guess pushed me over the edge. I was now crying on my way to the apartment.

I rushed into the building, I hoped no one would be in the elevator and luckily no one was. I ran down the hall to the apartment quickly locking myself in. I closed the door being me breathed out with a loud sigh and I got inside.

The apartment was cold and dark. I didn't feel like turning on the lights, it was more comfortable with the lights off. I knew that I shouldn't have but I couldn't stop myself from walking towards Carmens previous bedroom door. I hoped she would sit there, on the bed maybe with a changed mind. But as the door swung open only an empty room came to view. The dark room was only lit up by the moon shining trough the window. It looked like no one had ever staid in there. I closed the door again continuing down the hall to the kitchen, feeling like Tonight was really the night I needed a drink.

My eyes were met with a yellow paper laying on the table. If my heart wasn't broken already it was now. One last memory of her, it was a piece of paper. I picked the note up reading each word carefully.

Dear Jimin if you feel like tossing this note away, or burning it maybe, feel free to do so. If you hate me than I understand why. Feel free to drag my name trough mud in our town, maybe I deserve it. Before you do so, I want you to know that my heart will always be with yours. I do love you even if you don't believe me right now, but I just need to love myself a little more first. I hope you can do the same so we can meet each other again as new and grown people. I'll miss you everyday. I hope to see you soon.
-Your dearest Carmen

Even if I wanted to throw the letter in the trash, I didn't. Instead of doing that, I hung it up on the fridge. A reminder that my dearest Carmen is out there with a better life and that she may come back one day. I'll wait for you until that day.

A/N
Are you ready for the last chapter? Is it sad that I've already planned out my new ff that I'll start writing after this one 😅