hyejin
00:15:25
everyone left room 707 with red eyes, tears flowing down their cheeks. this was their last goodbye to lucas, and it seems like he wanted his goodbye to me alone. when they all left the room, i glanced at lucas quietly, he was already looking, and smiling at me.
i frowned, and sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing his hands tightly. "lucas, don't g-go" i stuttered, and again had watery eyes. lucas cupped my face, and sat up, slowly brushed his thumb around my cheek. "there's gotta be another way lucas..." i said and looked around, i wanted to find a cure for him.
"it's impossible to find another way right now hyejin, look don't waste time right now, we should talk and have our last....goodbye" lucas said grabbing my wrist tightly, i sighed and looked down at our hands, i non stopped cried.
lucas exhaled heavily, and let go of my wrist, he glanced at his arm with IV attached on them. with no hesitation he ripped the wire IV off his arm, let out a small groan. he stood up, and held my hand, leading me outside the room.
"where are we going lucas?" i asked him, who just placed his hand on the doorknob. he stopped and looked down at me, with a small smile. "you'll see~"
he opened the door, and peeked outside, scanning the area by turning his head left to right. i was surprised taeyong and the others weren't here, where did they go?
lucas started walking, leading me to a place i had no idea where. i was worried, what was he up to? he seemed to walk too fast, almost like running, for me i was running, because those long and big steps he made, made me run a bit.
i knew where he lead me.
this place seemed so familiar, and i knew it.
we entered the balcony, and fresh wind touched our skin. "ta-da" lucas let out an awkward laugh, i smiled.
we walked towards the edge of the balcony, and placed our elbow on the metal fence that protected us from not falling down. the skies, were black and stars were visibly seen. along with the beautiful moon. the view, it was the city. full of lights from the traffic, cars honking and beeping.
me and lucas, together.
00:06:01
"as you probably already know, yeah...this is where we first met" lucas said, but i didn't respond. "this is the exact spot i stood, when you came and approached me. and same goes to you" he said again. "and it was also at night, where we watched this view" he smiled happily.
"hyejin, talk please" he begged, stood more closer to me, and our arms touched "you're mad aren't you?" he asked, i furrowed my eyebrows and connected my eyes with him. my eyes started to get teary, and i bit my lip.
"of course i am lucas, i am mad" i said aggressively, and he looked so shocked at my sayings. "it's just, why you? why not just the others, why did they choose you? why not the others that deserved it? why?" i sobbed, and buried my face on my palms. trying to push them back inside, but i failed.
"hyejin you're being really selfish now" lucas said with deep and serious voice, which made me look up. "but, why do god have to write us this love story? why isn't this a happy ending?"
"we're not in utopia right now hyejin, we're in this world. you cannot always have the good things, because there are more millions or billions of people who deserves it as well. not only you, and me" lucas said, and sighed.
"you're mad at god aren't you?"
i nodded.
"you shouldn't, you know i was mad at him too. but, i was thankful that he brought you here to me, that we met. probably the girl i wished for, because when i look at other girls, i don't get interested anymore, because i have you. hyejin, you're the only one i wished for and he granted that"
"and you're the only one i needed" i said, realizing things inside my mind. i stared deeply into his eyes, and he stared at mine back. we both have watery eyes, and was ready to let them out the same time. when we did, i quickly crashed my body into his, i hugged him tightly and probably wouldn't let go. he hugged me back, and i felt his small hiccups, his silent sob. he was crying, he backwards walked while hugging me, and let the both of us sit down the bench.
"look up the sky hyejin" he asked for it, then i managed to pull my face away from his chest, and looked up at the sky. "what do you see?" he asked. "stars..." i answered back.
"yes" he paused for a bit. "before my mother left me, she once told me that my father was one of them. that everyday he would keep an eye on me, that he would always be there for me no matter what. and soon, that'll be me to you" he said, i held his hands more tighter.
"if you ever feel sad, just look up at the sky, and without you knowing, i am watching you. i am seeing your beautiful face, and you need to know that i'll always be there" he said, and kissed my forehead, tears raced down his cheek.
"what about in the morning?" i asked, then his eyes widened a bit, and looked like he didn't knew what to answer. "no mornings with me, because when we met it was night" he said, i just nodded my head and rested it on his shoulder.
00:03:00
"hyejin, thank you for those days" he said, pulling me closer and hugged me tighter. "those days we've met, been together, had fun, where you comforted me, and those last days you made for me. i am very thankful hyejin" he said, burying his face down my hair, and quietly cried.
"no problem, you deserved it a lot. you deserved this happiness, those days" i said, and bit my lips, also crying.
00:01:00
"i don't think i can live without you lucas...." i paused and corrected myself. "i can't live without you lucas"
"yes you can, you're one of the most strongest and powerful girl i've ever met"
00:00:59
i cupped his cheek, and made him face me. i kissed his lips, and he kissed back. when we stopped, we let out forehead stick together and breathe heavily.
"i....lucas i am gonna miss you..."
"i'll miss you too"
00:00:50
"take care of chenle and jisung, when taeyong is not around okay?" he chuckled.
"i will" i managed to smile.
00:00:40
"promise me you won't get depressed, or do something stupid when i'm gone"
"i promise lucas~"
00:00:32
"wait, lucas i am not ready to let go"
"you can hyejin, i know you can"
00:00:10
"oh, i also finished the book you requested me hyejin"
"fault in our stars?"
"yeah, the ending.....it was....like us.."
00:00:05
"w-why do you have to leave me lucas?"
"i never wanted to leave you"
"you just have to accept the fact that i can stay in your heart, but not in your life"
"i can't accept that..."
00:00:01
"i love you hyejin"
"i love you too lucas"
00:00:00
his soul just slipped through my fingers as his body laid there stiff. it's like they were a fragment of my imagination. but nevertheless, if the happiness was real, i would want me to move on and keep my fondest memories. yet even my memories felt like dreams. his pulse stopped and so did my heartbeat. i closed his vacant eyes and sobbed. i was crying, as i watched the light fade from his eyes. his skinny, fragile hands grew cold like stone. i exhaled what was left of my sanity. every second i shared with him traveled through my mind.
he was done with his adventure, his journey...
and i need to accept that.
