𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑳𝒀 // fillie

5: drink your sense away, baby 2/2

991 words

listen to changes by xxxtentacion in the background.

*******

have you ever walked in on something that made you feel like you were invading someones privacy. and no, i don't mean walking in on two people kissing or anything, something more personal. i've always been the type of person that respects peoples privacy and wouldn't care to be nosy or invasive. i have many secrets and private thoughts that i would never tell anyone in a million years and it seems wrong to witness others.

that's why i felt so conflicted when i walked in on finn. he was playing a beautiful, brown guitar that he probably found somewhere in the house. his eyes were closed and his eyebrows scrunched together in concentration as his nimble fingers played a tune that i had never heard before but almost brought tears to my eyes. he didn't notice me close the bedroom door behind me and sit down on the ground a few feet away from him.

his brown curls hung in front of his eyes as the music circled around the room, a somber song that reminded me of the moments romeo and i had together and how it ended so fast and mercilessly. i close my eyes and without me even noticing, the tears escape and run down my cheeks leaving behind wet tracks.

the music ends with a long note and words escape my mouth. "that was fucking beautiful." i say, my voice cracking. i open my eyes to see finn staring at me.

"it's a bit of my new song with my band." he says after a moment of silence. "when did you come in?"

"ju-just a few minutes agoo..." i slur taking another huge gulp of my drink.

finn furrows his eyebrows together. "millie... how many drinks did you have?"

i try to remember but my mind comes up blank as everything around me becomes fuzzy. and that's when i remember what happened to me last time i got this drunk.

it was a year ago, summer of 9th grade. i had become drunk for the first time and not just a few drinks drunk. actually drunk. i lost complete hold of my thoughts and i experienced my first panic attack in four years. sadie had helped me calm down but it was fucking hell. it felt like i couldn't breath and i couldn't stand in fear of buckling in on myself.

i could feel that feeling creeping on me now.

i drop my drink in my hand and don't notice it dripping down my dress and staining the carpet below me. finn widens his eyes when he notices that i'm struggling to breathe.

i need to get out of here. i need to leave this party.

i attempt to stand, but just fall backwards on the wall behind me as it becomes harder and harder to let air in and out. i think back to my therapist sessions years ago, breath in... breath out. pretend all of your anxiety is leaving your body, it's dripping out. breath in... breath out... think of your happy place. imagine yourself there and let go of all the invasive thoughts in your mind.

finn's pov:

i watch in panic as millie collapses and emits shaky breaths as she struggles to regain her stability. her eyes are squeezed shut and she doesn't notice me walk towards her and pull the empty red cup out of her hand and lay her down on the bed.

shit, shit, shit. what the hell do i do?

"millie? millie are you alright?" i put my hand in hers and that seems to calm her down a little. we remain in silence until millie forces a few words out.

"i-i have anxiety... panic att-tacks sometimes." she rubs her temples and sighs. "i'm sorry f-finn." she whispers out, her eyes open and it seems to hit her at the same time as me that we're in a closed room together, on the same bed.

i stumble off the bed, a little drunk myself. "no. no it's alright. i have social anxiety sometimes."

why am i telling my sworn enemy that i have anxiety. it's not like she cares anyway.

a little laugh escapes her mouth and i look at her in surprise. "you? finn wolfhard, best soccer player of hawkins and supreme socialist has anxiety?"

"well, everyone has faults, some people are just better and hiding it." i whisper, staring at her as she pulls herself up by the shoulders.

i'd never say it out loud, but damn she was pretty.

she looks at me, tilting her head. "isn't it lovely. how it all hurts. but... but we keep going?"

we look at each other in silence. it wasn't an awkward silence though. it was a silence of unsaid words and thoughts.

"yeah. lovely." i say back. little did she know i wasn't talking about the quote or life. i was talking about her.

"millie?" i say, grabbing her attention. "how did you get that bruise earlier today?"

she opens her mouth to answer, but pauses. i hit a touchy subject. "we broke up today." she whispers, barely loud enough for me to hear. "romeo and i."

no words come out of me. did he hit her? "he hit you, didn't he?" i say finally. i feel a pang of an emotion that i can't identify, as a small bit of anger blossoms inside of me.

her faces forms a small smile. "yeah, but i broke his arm after."

i smile a little too. "that must've been pretty."

******

heyyy

i was kinda bored so i wrote this entire chapter in 20 mins, yuh thats why its so bad

y'all, i absolutely love reading and replying to u guys comments so pls don't hesitate to tell moi what you think of this story!

love uuu

- r