𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑳𝒀 // fillie

12: roses on the thornbush

// 1314 words //

// inspired by the night we met by lord huron //

"TAKE ME BACK TO THE NIGHT WE MET"

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F I N N

i'm walking to lunch, the book in my backpack. right after my brief run-in with millie i attempted to checkout lovely, the strange book i found in the library, but the librarian told me that it didn't have a bar-code and wasn't registered in the catalog. after a moment of being miffed, she hesitantly told me that i could keep it.

i've gone through about seven pages so far and after mentions of hawkins high and romeo beckham hidden in the paragraphs, i found out that not only was the writer in our school, they were in our grade as well. i scan the crowds of people in front of me, trying to find a person that was capable of writing something as deep as what i read, but my mind comes up blank. just as i am about the take the book out to read yet another entry, i hear a girls voice yelling.

when i look up i see maddie ziegler, luna and millie all yelling at each other. i frown when i see noah and sadie push luna away as maddie turns her full attention on millie, red-faced and eyebrows raised. i walk faster towards the scene and caleb notices me nearing.

"caleb!" i call out over the voices. "what's happening?"

caleb looks back and forth between me and the yelling match between maddie and millie and finally runs over to me. "its-its...." caleb sighs, looking back. "it's something involving maddie framing millie and luna's getting mad at millie... i can't figure out anything that's going on. sadie said that luna was crying earlier today... i don't know."

i look back at the scene to see that millie had backed away, her eyes closed and her hands shaking and sadie had separated maddie and millie. "you fucking bitch!" sadie yells at maddies face. "how could you even say that about her? what has she ever done to you?" 

i look over at millie to see her slumped over on a cafeteria seat, rubbing her face and taking long deep breaths. i see jacob on his phone just a few tables away, and gaten, caleb and noah now trying to pull sadie and maddie away from each other as a crying luna stands watching the scene. an entire mob of students was nearby trying to see what was causing all the commotion, making the situation worse.

this is the fucking definition of chaos.

"i'm sorry that none of you guys can realize that millie isn't this perfect little angel!" maddie yells at sadie who is now being restrained by three people. "you say i'm a bitch? i'm a bitch? like she isn't! every single fucking day i'm trying to be friends with her again--"

"no." millie says standing up, looking maddie in the eye. "no. every single fucking day you're dissing every single person that i care about, and now you're expecting me to just become best friends with you again? after everything that you did to luna? you fucking frame me to make yourself look better and guess what? now you look worse. i'm sorry that i can't keep a friendship with someone who day after day makes it their duty to make someones life miserable!" 

there's a moment of silence across the whole cafeteria as maddie stares at millie, open-mouthed and at a loss for words. after a second millie slowly backs away from everyone, and exits the room. we stare after her and everyone gets shocked back to reality when the sound of the door slamming behind her echos through the cafeteria.

"shit. shit, shit shit." sadie whispers rubbing her eyes, and she slowly turns towards maddie. "from here on out, you leave me and my friends alone. do you understand?"

"screw you." maddie whispers, under her breath.

"say you understand." sadie says getting closer to maddie. "say it. say it!"

maddie glares at all of us before stalking out of the cafeteria, almost running into loren and iris who walk in with smiles on their faces.

loren looks around and sees the crying luna and flustered sadie and angry maddie, and immediately the smile falls from her face. "i swear, we were in the bathroom for five minutes and already shit dropped!"

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M I L L I E

screw this. screw maddie. screw this bullshit. 

i speed walk through the empty hallways, everyone at lunch and finally i collapse on the wall, and hug my knees to myself. i focus on my breathing and run through the calming techniques that my mom had drilled into my mind years ago in fear of me having a panic attack without her. she once told me to not look at the thorns on the rosebush, but rather the roses on the thornbush. at first i didn't get the metaphor but as i grew older i realized how much it applied to my own life. i hated my panic attacks. it was like i was weakened whenever i broke down. i couldn't control my emotions as well as i usually do, and whoever's with me when i panic sees a whole side of me that i never show to anyone other than my best friends.

and it doesn't help that a stranger is reading through the book filled with my inner thoughts and secrets.

i hear footsteps reaching me and when i look up i see finn standing in front of me. he slowly takes a seat beside me, a look of concern etched on his face. we sit like this in silence for a few minutes until it finally gets to me.

"finn." i start, my voice raspy and weak. "you don't have to be here, i'm fine." 

finn doesn't acknowledge my words for a moment before he turns to face me. 

god that hair.

he looks at me carefully before speaking. "how come you aren't crying? this must've impacted you in some way." he looks at my trembling hands and back up at my face. "maddie's crying. so is sadie, luna and even noah because you looked so hurt."

i take a deep breath. "it- it takes a lot to make me cry. i cried because of romeo, well because that relationship meant sort of a lot to me. this hurts more than you can ever imagine but i couldn't show defeat in front of her. maddie... maddie's a very manipulative person." my words catch in my throats as the tears beg to fall. "she can ruin and destroy very easily and tears just bring her satisfaction."

i clench my hands into fist and will the tears to stay back, as finn looks at me and opens his mouth. "you can let them fall." i look at him, furrowing my eyebrows together. "the tears i mean. it's just me here."

i shift my body to be positioned towards him and look at his chocolate brown eyes, before i blink and let the dam break. i open my eyes to see finn reaching out and hesitantly wiping away the tears cascading down my cheeks, with such a gentle touch that i almost feel comforted. i smile and he smiles back, resting his hand on top of mine as we sit in the silence, with the presence of the other making us feel fulfilled.

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i love this chapter i really do

ik there's so many grammatical errors in this chapter so pls ignore them

question of the day: do u guys like these daily 1000-1500 word updates or would you guys prefer it if i put a few days between each chapter and make them 2000-2500 words?

rant of the day: i'm usually home alone from 10:30-5:30 every day and its so annoying cause i'm literally wallowing in my boredom and almost every single freaking person i know is on vaca

song of the day: the night we met- lord huron

vote comment and keep reading

- rose