𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑳𝒀 // fillie

11: painting a false reality

// 1544 words //

// inspired by ocean- khalid & martin garrix //

"YOU COULD PUT AN OCEAN INTO OUR LOVE, IT WON'T KEEP US APART"

************

F I N N

i walk into the peaceful and quiet library and immediately i see a flash of brown hair running out of the librarians office. a girl in possibly her early twenties, her name tag reads "trinity", is holding onto the door of the office, laughing as i see another flash of brown hair. i frown as i dismiss the thought of investigating, and i head over to the young adult section. i haven't always been the biggest reader, to be honest i always thought reading was a pain in the ass, but a few years ago one teacher gave me a book that changed my entire perspective.

shuffling my feet i stop in front of my favorite shelf, it was called FOR THE DREAMERS. someone a few years back had the idea to label all the shelves in the library based on who would read the books on that shelf. for example, a few others were FOR THE ADVENTURERS and FOR THE OBSERVERS. i've read every single book on the dreamers shelf, so i frown when i see a new addition.

it was titled, lovely.

i slowly slide the book off the bookshelf and into my hands, and observe the front and back covers. the front was painted precisely and beautifully, showing a painting of a girl lying on a huge flower with tears running down her cheeks. the back cover was covered in writing, just writing.

just short cut-off sentences that were all disconnected from each other.

AND HE SAID NO

CRYING HELPS

I SEE HIM SMILING AND

FUCK THIS LIFE

ANXIETY

SMILING BUT SHE

SCREW THIS SCREW ALL U EVER DID TO ME U RUINED ME

HAPPY SOMETIMES

HOW CAN I HELP

I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE U

HEART WRENCHING WORDS

DROWNING IN UNSAID

HELP ME UP

PAINTING A FALSE REALITY

WORDS CAN CHANGE PPL

AM I BETTER NOW?

i suck in a breath when i read the words on the back cover and slowly open the book to the title page as i collapse onto the nearest chair. i furrow my eyebrows together when i realize that the author isn't written, nor is the publishing information available. either this book wasn't ever published, that would explain the diary format, or those pages were torn out, but the librarian would never allow that.

i flip to the to first page of the book and see a poem written, a beautiful one.

if we're caught in a wave