𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑳𝒀 // fillie

23: don't touch the hair

// 1142 words //

// inspired by LOVELY by billie eilish //

"TEAR ME TO PIECES, SKIN TO BONE"

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F I N N 

i take a sip of my rootbeer as i take out my laptop and books and set them on the table in front of me. i look around and see glimpses of familar faces around the diner, all either hunched over several papers or frowning at a screen. the time of pretesting has come for hawkins highschoolers and made us more stressed than ever. most people from other schools say that finals are what really matters, but in the hawkins grading system pretesting actually counts in our gpa, and is important for our semester averages.

of course i always just barely pass any test, so testing season is always more stressful for me. i click my pen out of habit as i wait for millie to arrive. we had decided to meet here to work on our song project, and she texted me saying that she's almost here. 

i catch sight of ayla, malcolm and jack, at a table not far from mine and i call out their names, causing them to look up in confusion and their faces break out into smiles when they see me.

ayla gets up and slides into my booth and malcolm and jack walk over.

"it's been too long man." malcolm says, ruffling my hair, making me swat his hand away.

"don't touch the hair!" i say, making ayla laugh. "and it has been a while."

"should we start up the band again?" jack offers, sliding into the booth next to ayla.

"why did we end it in the first place?" i ask, my memory blanking.

"we all had our reasons." ayla replies, as we hear the bell ring, indicating that a person has entered the diner. "finn, your grades were dropping, i wanted to join the choir, malcolm wanted to try solo, and jack, well jack was jack, he got bored."

"meet in my garage tomorrow after school?" i offer as i see millie out of the corner of eye. 

"sure."

"yeah."

"cool."

i see millie approach us and her face forms into a frown when she sees ayla, malcolm and jack. 

"oh millie, this is ayla, jack, and malcolm. we used to be in a band together." i say gesturing to my former bandmates.

"i'm millie. i'm here to work on something with finn." millie says, with a small smile.

"oh, we'll be leaving then." ayla says ushering the boys out of the booth. "see you tomorrow finn!"

millie waits until they've left before collapsing in the booth across from me, laying her head down on the table. "i'm so fucking exhausted, keery's gave us a 50 page study guide to fill out due at midnight, and i didn't even get it done by midnight! i got it done at 1 am! he's gonna be so pissed at me..."

i hold in a laugh at how much millie actually cared about pleasing her teachers. "do you actually care?"

"YES." millie says, looking at me with disbelief. "you don't? what was your average in his class last year?"

mr keery teaches tenth and eleventh grade, so we were lucky enough to have him this year as well. "72..." i say as millie's jaw drops.

"72! for the entire semester? a 72?" she says her eyes wide. "how the hell did you not get kicked off of the soccer team?"

"it's passing." i say shrugging as i take a sip of my rootbeer. "what was your average in his class?"

"a 106..." millie says taking out her books and laptop. 

i choke on my rootbeer. "a 106?! how the hell?" i cough out.

"extra credit?" millie says calmly as if it wasn't fucking incredible that she got a 106 average in a class.

"you're insane..." i say shaking my head as i actually look at her for the first time. she was wearing an oversized red harvard sweatshirt, i wouldn't be surprised if she got in, black sweatpants, and jordans, a typical millie outfit. she dressed even more comfy in soccer season.

millie laughs, and shakes her head.

she has such an addictive laugh.

"so um..." millie says, changing the subject. "that girl that was just here talking to you..."

"ayla?" i offer.

"yeah her, ayla. is she your..." millie falters off. "i mean... are you two...? together?"

i hold in a laugh. "ayla? oh hell no. she's like a sister. anyway i'm pretty sure she likes someone else, jack or malcolm or someone."

millie gives me a tight smile. "you sure?"

"y-yeah... why?" i say, sensing a hidden meaning in her words, but not being able to put my finger on it.

"no reason." millie replies, clearing her throat. "anyway, um, lets start."

"yeah... yeah." i say, tearing my gaze away from her. she pulls out a piece of paper with the lyrics on it, with notes covering all the extra space.

"i had the lyrics written down and i thought we could start to find the deeper meaning."

i run a hand through my hair and read out the first lyric. "thought i found a way, thought i found a way out..."

"depression." millie states without hesitating. 

"she thought she found a way out..." i add, singing the words in my head. "of her depression, she thought she found a way out of her depression, she thought she was better..."

"and then she sings, but you never go away-" millie continues.

"which means that those invasive thoughts are stuck with her, she can't shake them off." i finish for her, speaking quickly. "and then she says so i guess i gotta stay now..."

"so she's saying," millie picks up my train of thought, her eyes wide that we could finish each others sentences. "that she's accepted the fact that-"

"her depression is going to stay with her!" we say at the exact same time. my words falter to a stop as i stare at millie, and she stares back at me. the diner pulses with activity around us, but in that moment, it's just me and her. 

it's like time stopped.

i shift my gaze, feeling my cheeks starting to turn pink and i see millie do the same, both of us breaking out of the trance and feeling that we had never felt in our lives. 

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ew ew ew ew

EW this chapter omg i hate it 

sorry if u read this it's the cringiest thing ever ew

i didn't have a good idea for this chapter that's why it's really bad, wow this is bad im sorry

question of the day: favorite social media? mines instagram ofc

rant of the day: i had the literally worst dream of my life and i dont remember most of it but cheryl blossom was in it and so was hannah baker and basically they burned my house down but then they transformed into dogs and idk i hated this dream so much

song of the day: skyfall by ADELE

love y'all vote & and comment even tho this chapter was crap

- ROSE