(Warning: self-harm)
☁︎
L y d i a
I just told Stiles I loved him. I need to get home away from here. I don't even know what to do, so I ran, ran home, away from everything and everyone.
Once arriving home I let the tears escape and the screams go. I screamed like a banshee which I didn't even know was possible. It was deja vu except I was in a gorgeous black gown but I was still crying over the same person. It took all of my strength to get up of the floor and drag myself up the stairs to my room and tore off my dress. The pain was too much and I couldn't do it anymore. The doorbell rang but I couldn't hear it over my tears and screams.
"Lydia!" I heard someone shout. "Lydia! Lydia!" I heard my name being repeated over and over and over again. Stiles then burst through my door. I quickly threw on my robe and rubbed my eyes.
"Stiles? What are you doing here?" I cried out.
"I need to explain why." He spoke.
"Why what?" I said confused.
"Why I broke your heart." My heart stopped, I never wanted to remember that ever again.
"Stil-"
"No Lydia, I need to tell you why. Do you remember when you came round and watched the breakfast club." I smiled at the memory of us. "Well after the water fight we had, Malia was at the door, I told her to go away and she did. But before she left she saw you, and took a video of you getting changed." He spoke.
I started to laugh. Does he really think I'm that stupid? "I can't believe you! How dare you! After breaking my heart, what, you didn't want it to heal. You want me to be in pain and to suffer. So you come up with this bullshit of an excuse, and you think I'm going to fall for it. No. I've fallen for you many times Stiles but not anymore." I started to push him.
"I'm telling the truth! Lydia!"
"You asshole! Your a monster Stilinski, I wished I'd never met you. You killed me inside. You made me think I had a chance just to be punched back into reality. I hate you more than I ever have. I despise you. You're cruel."
He stood there as I had just killed his family. The anger had just taken over me and I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't put myself through any more pain.
"Get the hell out of my house and never speak to me again." I couldn't look at him. He looked at me tears filling up his eyes, and he held them back, not daring to let a tear fall in front of me.
"I wish you were dead." As soon as I said it I immediately regretted it. I'd pushed too far, but at some point, I wished it was true, I was sick of feeling like this.
When I began to speak, he nodded. "I understand." He walked slowly out and slammed the door causing me to flinch. I've just made the biggest mistake.
☁︎
S t i l e s
'I wish you were dead.'
'I wish you were dead.'
'I wish you were dead.'
The words hurt even more than anything I've ever been told. But the worst thing is she meant it, I know it. She wishes I was dead. I just don't even know what to do. Driving home, my eyes are become more and more blurry, the tears finally falling. I would never, I could never lie to her. I'm a monster and I'm cruel and I don't deserve to live.
I pulled up and slammed the door on my jeep. I burst through the front door and head up to my room. I immediately went into the bathroom and open the cupboard to a small box. In the small box lay a razor blade. I haven't used one of them since mom passed, but it takes away the pain. I grabbed the blade reluctantly and sit down on the floor.
I debated doing this many times, but the pain this time is worse than anything I've ever felt. I place the blade to my skin and began to cut. I carefully traced the letters, wincing a few times, but it stopped. The pain stopped and it felt so good. If felt like this weight had been taken off my chest.
L
Y
D
I
A
I had officially carved the girl I loved name in my arm and it would forever be there. The blood was endless like my love for Lydia. I didn't want to die, but maybe... just maybe I was better off dead.
I just sat there watching the blood drip onto the cold, clean and white tile floor. The crimson white floor now red. Staring at her name, now engraved on my body forever and it will never go away. My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of my dad's car.
I quickly start to clean up the blood on my arm and floor. I grab the closest flannel and throw it on. I then toss the blade back in the box and shove it in the draw. I wipe my eyes as my dad enters my room.
"Hey Stiles, how was the dance ?" He asked.
"Yeah good." Hoping he wouldn't see through my lie.
"Good I'm glad, right I'm heading to bed, goodnight."
"Night Dad," I reply then go back into the bathroom and clean the cuts properly and wrap it up in a bandage. I change into some sweatpants and a long sleeve top and get into bed.
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake
up
On my own anymore
-Asleep, The Smiths
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V o t e &
C o m m e n t
-if you are struggling with depression, self-harm, anxiety, eating disorder anything, feel free to message me if you want to talk, not judging just someone to cheer you up.
em☁︎
