Being Next to You - Always there

rina - quiet boy & timid girl

     "Do you want to go on a date with me this Saturday?"
     ... Is what he asked.
     I turned around, looked at him, blushed, turned away and then smiled.
     "A date...?— Okay." I was avoiding eye contact, words nearly faced by the end.
     Mixed-feelings.
     "Okay, see you on Saturday," he bid and was about to leave.
     "Wait," I yelled.
     My nerves began to crumble, "Amai-Amai!" Julian was stunned or maybe, startled.
     "Let's— meet there at ten, okay?"
     "Okay," he stolidly replied.
     However, I felt happy. I entered the house as soon as Julian left.
     "Welcome back. How's your day, Rina?" Chrysanthemum, my older brother asked me as we encountered each other at the front door.
     "Very good," I said, going upstairs to my room, leaving my older brother obliviously flat.
     My room is a library with wooden walls. I have more books than clothes, that's how I love them.
     But today's different, I felt a bit feverish, I might faint due to pure bliss. I threw myself on my bed and making squealing noises while hugging my pillow tightly.
     Recalling what happened to the café. I really enjoyed that spectacular moment. It's been long enough since I had a long conversation with someone, it was very nice. Yet I didn't expect him to ask me out— well, there's nothing wrong because we're in a relationship.
     However, his words when he asked me out repeatedly ringing in my head.
     "A date with Julian."
     I said it with my very own voice.
     I kept on kicking my bed.
     "Rina, do you want to go on a date with me this Saturday?"
     I even tried to mimick him.
     I wrapped myself with a pillow, muffling. And then, I realized that I forgot all of the contents of the book I read earlier.
     "Sorry, book... I'll read you again..." I apologized to it, and then kissed it.
     Books are my friends.
     They're so sweet.
     I grabbed the copy from my backpack while lying down. My brother knocked on my door.
     Knock, knock, knock.
     "Rina, dinner's ready!"
     "I'm coming!!"
     I forgot to read.
     The next day was a school day. Sitting quietly while listening to my friends. They were laughing.
     "You're such a child, Rina," cracked Carol. "What's your favorite color? Come on, that was a ridiculous question," she laughed, the others agreed too.
     "You should have asked him if he had an ex-girlfriend instead," said Theresa.
     "But I've learned so much about him," I was so excited to tell, "like his birthday, the things he likes, and—"
     "We got it, Rina." Carol's tone got serious, she looked unpleased.
     I stopped talking. I was scared that they'll be annoyed at me.
     I was frightened.
     "Let's go to the cafeteria," said Carol, and suggestion became a decision. All of them followed.
     "There's a new menu I wanna try! Let's try it!!" Theresa led.
     "I'll pass. I'm on a diet," replied Sarah.
     "FOR REAL!?"
     Carol snickered, "You'll start eating brains soon, Sarah."
     "Aww~... You, two are so mean!"
     I began thinking things:
     Why does it feels like they're ignoring me?
     I feel transparent. Am I being insensitive? Wait— Stop thinking like that. They just passed through me so easily without saying anything. Hard to say, but was I shock?
    They already left, and I started to feel heavy and cold.
    The weather is humid, yet my body is shivering, like there was a snow cloud on top of me— just on top of me, falling heavily on top of my head where my movements act slowly to the point I can't move. I felt like they were leaving me behind as I tried to keep up...
     I stop chasing it. I didn't do anything. I don't have the courage to muster my thoughts, so it's fine...
     "Rina, are you okay?"
     "Huh? Y-Yes!"
     "That's good to hear," said Julian.
     "Sorry— for worrying— you.."
     "That's fine," he replied.
     I was so tensed.
     I'm relieved that he was next to me. He is my current comfort.
     "It's unexpected that you wanted to walk with me today." I planned to change the mood.
     "Well, today is Friday," he said. "I don't have specific reasons why."
     "It's fine..." My face was smiling.
     Parting ways— different roads. Julian waved before going, "See you tomorrow."
     He is truly a kind person.
     Tomorrow came. I waited for Julian inside the cafe, I read a book to kill time.
     "Sorry... for keeping... you... waiting..."
     He arrived. Panting.
     "Are you okay?" I asked as he took a seat to rest. Julian looks pretty tired, it was obvious that ran out of steam.
     "I'm fine, but sorry I'm late..," he continued catching his breath. I was startled when he said he was late. "Are you?"
     I checked my watch, and he was right.
     "I didn't notice. I was occupied for the moment," I concerned while holding onto my book.
     Julian noticed the rectangular object, "You really like books," he remarked.
     I smiled at him. "I just love them."
     After a while, we walked around the street and looked around.
     "What are you humming?" Julian asked.
     "Was I humming??"
     I didn't notice anything.
     "You were, and it's an interesting tune."
     I stopped doing it. I asked, "Was it bad?"
    "No. I kinda liked it a bit," he answered.
     I was stunned, my face turned red, but I was very happy as I moved closer to his side as we walked together.
     "Can I ask why were you late earlier?" I tried to change the subject.
     "Why?" He asked.
     "I'm a bit curious," I replied.
     "Well... How could I explain it?"
     Julian looks a bit troubled. "My brother tried to lock me at my own house and I tried to escape. When I reached the front door, Jude forcibly stopped me from going out..."
     "How... did he stopped you?"
     "Well, first, he chased me inside the house, and secondly, he firmly grabbed my leg when I was at the front door. I had a hard time to let him go of my leg."
     Holding back my laughter. "Your brother is interesting in a way," I giggled.
     Julian felt embarrassed.
     He held his nape, and said, "You don't know how difficult Jude is? He's worst than a brat."
     I sensed eyes watching, two women in their 20's began staring to our direction—
     "Look at the guy with brown hair. He's pretty cute."
     "He is, but duh~! He's already taken. He's with his girlfriend.."
     "No way! There's no way that girl is his girlfriend. She's so plain, and she dresses like an old lady."
     "Quiet! They might hear you..!!"
     I already heard your conversation...
     I didn't mean to eavesdrop by the way, and I was already expecting these reactions.
     I physically look plain, I'm only white, and my fashion senses are too antique for my age. I knew that, but it still hurts plenty. I haven't steel myself yet.
      I honestly didn't think about my outfit for my first date. Girls often put a lot of effort into their clothes and looks on their first date. On the other hand, I chose a simple pastel blue blouse, a floral white long skirt, and sandals. I tied my hair into a bun because it's hot. And I didn't put any makeup on since I don't use it.
     Julian suddenly looked at me.
     "Your clothes—"
     "I'M SORRY FOR LOOKING FUNNY! I'LL CHANGE RIGHT AWAY!!"
     "That's not what I meant," he replied.
     I stared at him.
     "I meant to say that your clothes look good on you. And I don't think you look funny. Honestly, I think you're pretty today," he complimented me like he knew.
     I was burning. I can't look at him properly.
     "Thank you," I said, covering my face.
     Between my fingers, I saw his hand stretching to my direction, but he put it back right away.
     Why?
     "You're welcome," he said.
     Julian always talks so calming. He is always composed and quiet. I don't know what he is thinking, though, he seems to know what I need.
     Was I expecting something earlier?
     Funny, I barely even see him smile or laugh.
     Movies. We went to the mall, looking at the posters of the movies that were going to show.
     "Want to watch a movie?" Julian asked.
     "Okay," I answered. "What are we going to watch?"
     "Anything is fine by me, so you choose, Rina."
     "Okay."
     However, I don't know what I want to watch.
     I watched movies a lot with my brother and I never mind what the content was. My brother kicks me out if he thinks the film is improper for me.
     "Is fantasy okay?" I asked— I chose a random number. And we watched that random chosen film. Both of us were quiet, as the movie began to play,  Julian's eyes were locked at the screen. His hand on my left was defenseless.
      I tried something.
      I held his pinky.
      He noticed, and whispered, "What are you doing, Rina?"
      "T-Trying what a couple will do?"
     He quietly looked at our linked fingers.
     I feel strange.
     Julian asked for my right hand, "Put your hand above my palm."
     I did what I was told.
     And then, he exclaimed, "squeeze" in a voice that only the both of us can hear.
     He did squeeze my hand.
     We're finally holding hands. 
     "The movie was interesting," said Julian.
     I feel so hot...
     "Aren't vampires so cool!?! I like how that doctor pursued his love for the vampire. They have a wonderful chemistry together."
     "That female vampire is rather cold and violent. I prefer the doctor's companion, though, I feel bad for him," he commented.
     "Misfortune always follows both of them—"
     I remembered that he held my hand. The time when Julian said "squeeze" was adorable.
     I'm making a weird face.
     "Julian, I'll go to the restroom for a bit."
     "Sure, take your time. Let's meet at the water fountain."
     I walked to the restroom, and when I was done with my business. I checked out a cute store on the way.
     They were a lot of people inside. I look around and found a dancing strawberry patterned bath towel.
     "How cute," I thought. I was wondering if Julian will use it if I give it to him.
     "THANK YOU FOR YOUR PURCHASE!!"
     I bought it. The design is too girly. But I hope that he'll use it. It's funny if he likes it. Still, there are a lot of people around here, especially, girls.
     Different kind...
     Groups and duos in sorts of ages; talking and laughing together happily. And as I watched, I felt a bit jealous at that time—
     "Spending time with your friends, how great," I sarcastically thought.
     "Better go to the fountain, Rina. Julian is waiting," I said to myself, giving myself motivation. I hurried to the said place, and he was standing there.
     "Sorry that I made you wait..." It was me this time who ran out of breathing.
     "It's fine." He said, then my stomach growled.
     "Hungry?" He asked blankly.
     I— apologized, and he was being humble. "It's fine," he said, "Let's go eat at Wendy's."
     Very embarrassing. Entering the diner, and Julian and I were at the counter.
     "May I have your order, sir?" Said the lady at the counter.
     "What do you want to eat?" He asked.
     "Cheeseburger, regular-size fries, and orange juice, please."
     "Got it," he said, and he ordered. But I was still humiliated earlier at the fountain. I can't believe my stomach growled loudly in front of Julian...
     "Okay, sir. Please for a moment," replied the lady, and Julian was paying at the counter.
     "Umm, Julian. I will pay for my own portion," I interrupted.
     "It's fine. You don't need to pay," he replied.
     "I don't want to give you any trouble."
      "It's no trouble."
      "There's no need for you to do this.."
      "Rina, it's fine."
      "But—"
      "It's really fine. It doesn't bother me," he persisted. His voice raised than usual.
      I nodded quietly, and went and waited for Julian at the table.
     He came back with our meals. "Sorry if it took so long," he said.
     "It's okay," I replied.
     After that, we ate our meals quietly.
     Awkwardness.
     "About the meals—"
     "SORRY! I'LL PAY YOU RIGHT AWAY!"
     "That's not it," he replied, giving me a tissue for my mouth. I thanked him shyly.
     "Rina, Y'should stop apologizing for every single thing and lighten up a little. You should accept someone's generosity, and not decline it, because that person will feel bad about it, like at the counter earlier. And you shouldn't be worrying about small things. You should smile more often because I like you when you smile."
     That was a surprise...
     "I'm sorry for declining your offer earlier and making you feel bad about it, and I'm sorry for apologizing again, even though you told me not too." I tried smiling, and he smiled back.
     "It's okay," he replied, taking a sip of his drink. "Do you want to go somewhere before going home?"
     Taking a sip of my juice while thinking, I said, "Bookstore."
     I was looking for a new book to buy with Julian. I found a display with 50% off books near the magazine section.
     "Lucky!" I exclaimed blissfully. As I grabbed a book on top of the stock of copies, and about to go to the counter.
     Julian suddenly grabbed my wrist.
     "Why are you buying a book with scratches and torn pages?" He told me, it caught me off guard.
     "Umm... It doesn't matter to me if the book is worn-out. As long the pages are fine," I reasoned.
     Julian let go of my hand but took the book I was holding.
     "Julian?"
     "I understand. But..."
     "But?" I echoed.
     "But as long as I'm paying the book," he cleared.
     "Alright..." I replied. My voice was a little out of reach, but he heard it.
     He gave me another wonderful gift, but I think it's too much. The book was already enough, but he gave more.
     The date was about to end. The sun was about to set, so Julian was taking me home before that happens.
     Watching my footsteps, and clinging to the new book. I said, "Thank you for buying the book, Julian," with a nervous and tiny voice.
     "You're welcome," he answered.
     "Sorr— I mean, thank you. I meant it! I'll definitely treasure it! I'm very happy!" I said with firmness and exaggeration. I was only trying to express my feelings to words, however, it backfired.
     "You really love books..," he emphasized. "By the way..."
     "What is it?"
     "My friends want to meet you in person, except Jude. I know it's a bit of a demand but, if it's okay with you—"
      I began shedding tears.