Being Next to You - Always there

rina - books & songs

     Sniffing around the castle filled with books, and the warm lighting of the walls.
     Being in the library really soothes me.
     And yet...
     Thinking about Jude Bridge annoys me. He's such a terrible person. He may be Julian's younger twin brother, but he is still the worst man I've ever met!
     Just thinking about him made me lost interest in the book I'm reading.
     I should better go home.
     I left the library early and headed to the spot where I always meet up with Julian.
     "Rina, I won't be able to send you home tomorrow and the next day. I'll be hanging out with my friends," said Julian as we both walked home together.
     I smiled, "Okay. Julian also needs time to spend time with his friends." I talked funny, Julian copied me.
     "Why is Rina so timid?" He asked, patting my head without me knowing. It startled me, and it startled him.
     Julian put his hand away.
     "Do you have any book you could recommend?" He asked.
     "I HAVE A LOT OF BOOKS AT HOME!!" A hot and bubbly excitement lingered inside of me.
     "That's great," he replied, and I was very happy.
     "Do you have any songs to recommend?" I also wanted to ask.
     And he said, "I have. Do you want to hear some?"
     "Yes!" I enthused, " I'll lend the book tomorrow at lunch break..!"
     "Me too," Julian added.
     I was so pleased that he'll be reading the book I like. I'll be listening to the songs that he likes to hear. I was so excited that I can't wait to get home.
     "Rina," Julian tapped my shoulder. "I'll be looking forward to it." He whispered. I sighted a rare smile.
     I felt so bubbly. I returned his whisper back. "I like that," I said.
     I got safely home again. I rushed to the bookshelves and took all the books I like until I made quite a stack of books.
     My older brother saw the mess I made and decided to help me. I asked him if he can help me to find a book that a boy likes. Since he's a guy, and both of them are alike— in some ways.
     "CJ, what kind of girls do you like?" I asked.
     "That's out of nowhere, why?" Said my brother, who was busying returning the books (that I removed) from our shelves.
     "Please answer my question," I persisted.
     "Well, I like strong girls with an unexpected soft side," he replied.
     "What will you do then?" I continued.
     "What?"
     "Are you going to court her? Or be friends with her?"
     "If I really like that person, I'll give her some flowers and tell her the 10 good reasons why liked her."
     "Can I be included in your category?"
     "Your my sister, Rina," he flicked my forehead.
     It didn't hurt, but it left a mark.
     "I'm sorry that I took your time to find me a book, CJ," I apologized to him.
     "It's fine, but stop calling me, CJ," he replied, returning another piece in the shelves.
     "However, your name is Chrysanthemum James Thomasses Bookman or 'CJ' for short," I reasoned while adding a little tease. And he hit me with a book on my head— just a tap.
     "Stop with that logic, Rina. I know that's my name. I just don't like being called CJ, and Chrysanthemum is already hard enough to pronounce, so call me with my other name," he said.
     "What? James?" I thought out loud. "What about Chrysty?"
     "You're not allowed to call me Chrysty."
     "Boy Flower," I continued to teased.
     My brother suddenly blew my ear. I felt that I was sexual harassed by a second.
     "Anymore names, my dear sister of mine? Or you can just use my Japanese name?"
     "Hai, Kiku-san," I talked in Japanese.
     "Silly girl. Here. Can this one do?"
     He chose a book, and handed it over to me, and I checked the cover.
     "This one?" I doubted. "This is a work of art, and hilarious, but..."
     "The reader is a male, right? Most male readers don't recommend romantic stories. They rather read about mysteries, action, adventure, and particularly, friendship," he began to explain.
     "I know but..." I check at the book again. "This is very mature. There's comedy, yeah, but a lot of hot– love..."
     "Don't worry. Boys like those kinds of stuff, and there's only a little bit. And it's more about friendship. You're welcome," he said, giving me a satisfactory smile.
     I am amazed by his book of choice.
     "I love you, Kiku." I gave him a big hug.
     "I'm glad I can help," he hugged me back. "But make sure that mom doesn't catch you calling me 'Kiku,' or both of us will be in trouble."
     "Okay," I spoke softly.
     He lowered his voice just to be sure. My brother is the nicest. I could never do it without him.. I still can't understand boys, particularly, Julian.
     I really want to understand Julian. I want to learn more about him, so I need to do my very best— including my studies.
     Next day, lunch break. I was on my way to Julian's classroom to give him the book. Then I saw him and his friend, Sidney along the way.
     "Rina, Good afternoon. Going to the cafeteria to buy lunch? You could come with us if you want. We're also going to head there," sweetly said Sidney.
     "Sure. After I give this to Julian," I replied.

. . . .

     "I'm... in front of you, Rina," Julian spoke.
     I panicked. "I'm very sorry, Julian!!!" Covering my face with the book I was holding.
     "It's fine. Don't sweat it," he replied, a bit awkward. And Sidney was holding his giggles.
     So embarrassing...!
     And I could hear their conversation— I really don't mean to eavesdrop.
     "Is t-this normal- for both of y-you, Julian?" asked Sidney.
     "Kind of," he answered. And I don't know how to react to that statement...
     I stared at Julian if I can get a hint out of him, but nothing.
     I really want to understand you, Julian. But I just don't know how...?
     "Here," I handed the book to him.
     "Thanks. But I'm not bringing my Mp3 with me. It's in my bag," said Julian.
     "It's okay. I can get it later after we had lunch." I was fidgeting my fingers.
      "Alright," he answered. He seemed warm somehow. However, snapping myself back to reality, I was eating lunch with him for the first time.
     "What are you having for lunch, Rina?" Julian asked.
     Looking at the menu for today. "Meal C. How about you?" I asked back.
     "Ham and cheese bread."
     "WHAT?!" Sidney exclaimed. "That's not good, Julian! You'll get hungry!!"
     "It can't be helped. I forgot my wallet," said Julian.
     "You forget things?" I questioned him. I'm teasing.
     "Sometimes," he answered. "Though, I usually don't."
     "Nevermind that! You need to eat properly. I'll give you some of my lunch," worried Sidney.
     "No thank you," Julian refused.
     "Then I'll lend you some money after lunch," insisted Sidney.
     Julian and Sidney look so close to each other. They look like best of friends. I was wondering if they're like that in their classroom– I became curious.
     After we ordered, we went to our seats to eat. Sidney ordered a meal set as well. We talked about various things, and Sidney keeps persisting to share his lunch with Julian. He acts like a mother who worries his child's health, but Julian keeps refusing it.
     We went to Julian and Sidney's classroom after our meals. Both of them went inside their room, and I was staying behind.
     Sidney noticed it. "Aren't you coming in?" He asked.
     I was embarrassed. "No thank you... I'll be waiting for Julian here," I replied.
     "Then, I'll be waiting here outside with you," he smiled sweetly.
     "You don't need to do that." I think it would bother him.
     But he was insisting. "It's fine. Julian won't take that long," he replied again with that sweet smile of his.
     It was hard to decline.
     Julian came out from the door. He gave me his Mp3 player, and it was red, his favorite color.
     "Here," he said.
     "Thank you– very much." I suddenly became awkward.
     Unpleasant.
     "The songs I most like is in the folder named, Stress-reliever. And if you like, you could also copy some songs on your phone if you like." Tilting his head while placing his left hand on his nape. He's not looking at me, but I always find that action attractive.
     I wonder what should I do?
     "Thank you... I look forward to listen to it," I gladly said.
     "That's good," he replied.
     Julian's actions were gauche. After that, I went back to my classroom. Julian and I exchanged goodbyes, and I also said my farewell to Sidney. I didn't want them or Julian to take me back to my classroom, because it was enough to know that their intentions were good.
     It already hurts to have somebody in your life... that you simply can't— have in your arms.