Being Next to You - Always there

rina - her kind of change

     "You broke up!?!" Carol exclaimed. Again, she was so loud.
     "That was quick. Why?" Theresa asked.
     "Because they couldn't handle the silence, obviously," assumed Sarah. Drinking from her favorite pink tumbler.
     "Love isn't that simple," I told them, but they laughed at me.
     "Then, what is love?" Carol asked— she sneered and all.
     That's what I see.
     "It's bittersweet, like chocolate," I gave her an answer.
     "What? Bittersweet?! Pfft...!" She mocked. She is a good actress, she deserves a reward. "That's the lamest thing I've ever heard! No wonder Julian dumped you!"
     I got furious but I'm scared.
     "I'm sorry if it sounded cheesy but... Julian will never dump me in such a way," I answered back. My voice raised, and Carol's cunning smile slowly disappeared, she was showing grimace.
     "What did you say?" Carol was angry. I bet she was not expecting my rude remark, however, I was offended by her insinuation to Julian— Look. We're friends after all.
     "I... I d-don't like it— when you say false things about other people..." I courageously mustered it yet my voice was shaking.
     "Is that so?" She said something, and then, it happened so fast, Carol poured water on top of my head.
     I became wet— I didn't know why I just stood still and not move.
     It was a stopping moment.
     Slowly, I soon to realize that the water came from Sarah's tumbler. I think the owner didn't know that this would happen. She was dumbfounded.
     "Rina," called Carol. And I immediately paid attention to her.
     "To be honest, I think you deserve this," she blunt, her face was empty. It's like her existence suddenly became an empty shell to me.
     "On this day forward, we're not friends anymore. We're cutting ties with you, we're not talking to you, eat with you, or do anything with you anymore," she declared.
     "You- don't need to- tell me that..." I worked up the courage to talk back.
     "Look who's barking?" And there was her twisted acting smile. When Carol was about exit the classroom, "Let's go, Sarah. I'm tired of this foolishness."
     Sarah looked at her friend, she stared at the dripping water and then my seaweed hair, she was confused— that was obvious.
     She then awkwardly spat out, "... Okay ..."
     Before leaving, Sarah gave me a package of tissue without a single word, and then followed the actress.
     "Are you staying with her, Theresa?"
     Carol asked her, who was next to me, however, she looks puzzled, more like, having a hard time to decide.
     "Sorry, guys... But— I'm staying with this girl," replied Theresa as her fingers were pointing at me— in a peculiar way.
     "As you wish. But I'm also not going to talk to you," Carol smiled, it wasn't evil.
     "No worries. I don't think we even talked too often. Do you think we deserve each other as friends?" she also responded a smile.
     "You're funny. I hope you regret that decision," gladly said Carol.
     "Don't worry. I won't," she responded.
     Both of them exchanged smiles and laughed at each other.
     "Enjoy spending the last two months with Rina. I hope you get bored, Theresa," bid Carol.
     "You, too!" Said Theresa.
     My knees fell down— finally.
     Carol was super-duper scary...! She was almost as terrifying as my mom. I told myself that I will fight my way to speak out, yet, my fingers are going cold and shivering.
     It was a good thing that it's only the four of us inside the classroom. I don't know what to do if being wet is not the worst situation.
     "Need a hand?" Theresa offered, with her warm voice.
     I paused.
     "Thanks..." My voice returned soft again. I grabbed her hand and I stood up.
     "Are you okay? Girls need to care about their looks even if they are heartbroken," she began complaining about my current look. My hair was now similar to seaweed— I'm aware.
     "My hair looks like seaweed, does it? My older brother tells me all the time. And I'm used to this kind of situation," I giggled.
     And then she asked me, "Why do you seem happy about it? You lost your boyfriend and some friends, and yet, your face is still silly, did you know that?"
     "I... didn't know that..." I was getting embarrassed somehow. I get the feeling that I was flustering, as red as an apple.
     "I'm just— happy, I guess..." My face began making the corners of my mouth turn up.
     "Hmm? About what? Give me that tissue package." She touched my hair and started drying me up with tissues and a blow-dryer that was inside her bag— it was like a mini vacuum cleaner.
     "Ah, um, why... did you stay with me...?" I didn't answer her question, instead, I ended up asking her a question.
     "That— kinda startled me," she exclaimed.
      "I'M SORRY IF I'M BEING INSENSITIVE!! I'M CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO SENSITIVE MATTERS!!"
      I apologized hard, and then she laughed at me.
      "No worries," she said. "Let's see... I don't know exactly why, but I know I want to stay. Maybe I want to know a thing or two about you," she replied.
     I know I was blushing.
     "Why are you blushing?? You don't need to blush over that reason, Rina," Theresa noticed.
     "Ah, um, no..." I don't know what to say. I was so happy. It's been a long time I've ever felt like this. "I'm sorry that I was blushing," I apologized again.
     She began laughing again, loud yet warm. I laughed as well.
     "Two months left, and then we're third-years, huh? Time sure flies quick," Theresa whined like a normal troubled highschooler.
     "Two months left, huh?"
     It reminded of me about something.
     "We barely just began," I added.
     "You said it," she continued to whine. "We'll be seniors, and we've got college exams to prepare, and then, our future plans. I want to play more, you know."
     I assumed I smiled.
     "I get you," I said. I understood that feeling too well.
     The future, huh...?
     To be honest, I already decided on what path and college I'll take. It's just that...
     I wonder what Julian will be taking for his future? He has a lot of skills and talent, so I'm not sure, but I wanted to know.
     "You're thinking about Julian Bridge just now, aren't you?" Theresa popped out of nowhere, like from the very beginning, I squealed like a mouse for the second time.
     "Am I right?" She asked.
     I nodded.
     "You must really like him, huh?" She continued.
     I nodded again.
     Theresa began shouting without no reason. I was shook.
     "I feel bad for Julian for dumping such a cute and timid girl as Rina!!" She was annoyed.
     "Um , about that, I—"
     "DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT JERK, RINA! I'LL TREAT YOU ICE-CREAM TO CELEBRATE OUR FRIENDSHIP!!"
     "That sounds nice. But Julian is not a jerk, he's a kind man," I tried correcting her.
     Theresa smiled at me, and patted my back, and said, "You're such a good girl, Rina. If I were a guy, your hair looks damn good!" - with her thumbs up. (P. S. She fixed my hair).
     "My hair looks like... dried seaweed..."
     It was difficult to say that I was the one who broke up with Julian Bridge. Nevertheless, it's a little hard to stay in a relationship when I know he doesn't hold the same feelings as I have. Confusing maybe to others, but if l'm giving my one hundred percent, I also deserve his one hundred percent. Not seventy percent or his ninety percent. Him, sticking it out with me, when he's not all there, just him knowing my personal feelings isn't right.
     He doesn't mind, but I'll feel bad about it. I feel like some charity work, him trying to do a good deed.
     But, someday, I will try again. I will muster all the courage to confess again, with my own will. Or if miracles do happen, he will confess to me, and I will accept wholeheartedly, no playing hard to get. Who cares if I'm easy... That's because I really like him.
     The time we spent together is not enough. I want to know more about him.
     The things he likes and dislikes. I want to see more of his expressions, the things will change his mood, I want to know all of it.
     I want him to smile, to laugh, to frown, or even to cry, (with me, or better yet, about me).
     I want him to look at me with longing and affection, and accept me as me with no conditions.
     I'm aware it's selfish. It's a reckless and foolish act.
     Yet, I still want to do it.
     I want to try to make him be mine.