Being Next to You - Always there

rina - truth

     We were about to head home. We left the bench and walked a little.
      I saw Carol and Sarah coming out of the school's front door exit. I hid Julian and myself unconsciously behind the building— it was a reflex, I swear.
     But then, Carol's voice was like a cannon— it was explosive.
     "I still can't believe that Julian is still going out with Rina!! I'm the one who liked him first!! It's like the world's against me!!"
     It echoed inside my head. "She likes Julian...?"
     "WHAT? You're regretting now? You're the one who forced her to make that confession," Sarah reacted.
     Carol, "I know, but I thought Julian will dump her on the spot."
     "I was also convinced that he'll reject her too," agreed Sarah.
     "I know, right?" She grudged. "I never thought that Julian likes that type of girls. If I knew, I would confess my love for him in the first place!"
     "I feel you, girl," sympathized Sarah to her friend.
     And— at that time, my mind went blank.
     There was nothing to think about. I cannot think of anything, but I needed to stay calm. However, my hands were already shaking.
     Then—
     I felt something warm, a large grasp...
     I opened my eyes, and Julian was holding my hand.
     A SHOCK.
     Julian covered my mouth before I could react at an earlier time. They left already. I don't know what to do if they found us out. I was a scatterbrain, and my face was definitely red as an apple.
     "Rina," he whispered softly. "Let's stay here for a while."
     That was when I realized...
     'Julian always knew.'
     I waited until Carol and Sarah to leave— completely out of sight. When they left, Julian removed his hand from my mouth.., and let go of my hand...
     "Are you okay, Rina?" He asked out of concerned, however, I didn't answer.
     But—
     I really— don't know—
     what to say...
     I stood up. I was clinging to his hand, I let go, and— I cried. My tears began falling. Julian didn't know yet until he turned around. It started to pour down...
     He saw me crying— a startling expression he made. I was sad, it was ugly, and before I knew it, I ran away from him...
     I ran. Hearing my thoughts out loud. Not looking where I'm going, I fell. My knees were both scratched and bleeding. And it hurts, it hurts...
     Yet...
     My chest hurts more...
     "I... I— I feel so stupid..."
     I really don't know what to do. Even if I knew, my body wouldn't do it...
     Calling out from frustration and sadness. I wanted to cry out loud, but only tears were falling on my face...
     The birds and the trees saw me crying. I won't say it was loud, if it was, someone already realized that someone was here. I was sitting here. I can't move, I do not want to move. I was an idiot.
     'Ah, I forgot...'
     I just realized now that I left Julian back there and ran all by myself...
     I am really such an idiot.
     I was embarrassed by my own idiocy.
     I was sobbing and crying once more, wondering if Julian already left...
      I uttered his name.
      "Julian..."
     My tears began to pour again by just thinking of him. And I don't know how to stop...
     I cried, then I heard a call.
     "Rina!"
     Heavily panting with a voice, lifting my head, Julian was standing in front of me, sweaty and tired. Thinking that he came all this way just to find me.
     I was too surprised that my tears stopped. I felt a relief when I heard his voice, but at the same time, anxious. However, he was there, standing in front of me, and I—
     'I was gazing at him back.'
     Julian kept on panting. "I found you," he blurted out. You can tell that he was run-down.
     "Yeah, you found me," I answered.
     Then, we both calmed down. Julian sat by my side and stayed with me until five o clock of the afternoon. The other clubs and students started leaving the school grounds.
     "Sorry, Julian." My voice echoed deep below. "Thank you— for not rejecting me."
     "Don't worry about it," he said.
     "You know, I knew that my friends were saying those things behind my back..." Tears fell when I began telling my story.
     He was quietly listening to every word I say, and his gentle eyes kept me eased somehow. "It must sound pathetic, but I can't abandon them. More like, I don't want to be alone."
     "Sure," he replied.
     "I'm scared to be alone. Besides, there were times I have fun being with them."
     "Yeah." Julian kept on replying. "But, you don't need to force yourself to be with them. It's their fault for not trying, but, Rina, it's also your fault."
     He was so straightforward— he hit it where it hurts.
     Tears were falling.
     He saw them rushing. "Sorry for being harsh, Rina," apologized Julian.
     "It's fine," I sniffed, wiping my fluids with my hands.
     "But you know—"
     Taking my hair off my face. I guess he can't see it properly, but he caught my ruddy eyes.
     "Changing yourself a little might change things more. And I think it'd be really nice if that happened."
     I stared at Julian without noticing, he noticed and became uncomfortable.
     "But..."
     "But?" I echoed his word.
     "But if nothing changed. Then, it's their fault, not yours... I don't think you're a boring and plain person like you thought you'd be," he continued.
      Slowly, covering his mouth with his hand.
     "You're a pretty interesting person... That's... what I think," he reddened.
     His words made my tears stop. "Thanks, Julian," my voice sounded better than earlier.
     "You're bleeding." Julian pointed, looking at my knees.
     "Ah, I fell earlier when I was running," I replied.
     Julian took out his thermos and handkerchief, and then, he soaked it with water—
     "What?! I have my own! Don't do that," I faltered, already guessed on what he was going about to do.
     Searching for my handkerchief in my bag, panicking and jumpy. Julian told me to stop.
     "Stop it, Rina. This is all I can do for you," he said, rinsing the water out of his handkerchief as he began cleaning my bruises.
     I laughed and I giggled, taking his warmness and kindness that I fell.
     "This is all that you've done for me?" I uttered. "That's funny because I remembered— a lot of wondrous things you gave to me from the moment we both met. I know it sounds tacky, but everything you do adds to my happiness, my awkwardness, my sadness, but multiplies my joy. Thinking about it makes me very happy that I'd met you."
    "Thank you for taking care of me for these past few months."
     "Thank you as well, Rina."
     "I like you, Julian," I spoke inside my mind.
     "Me too, I'm glad that I'd met you, Rina," he replied once more.
     I am confident that he can't read one's mind. Yet, his words just made me smile.
    "It's all done." He was finished mending my wounds— tying it with an unclean bow, I simply giggled.
     I worked on my courage:
     "I really like you, Julian."
     "That's why..."
     "Let's break up."