Lights, Cameras, Outsiders!

Chapter 49

LCO 49

The TV light flashed across my eyes and I curled myself up underneath the blanket, my bare body brushing against the cotton. I turned the sound down a little bit. My Bodyguard was on MTV in the middle of the night. I couldn't sleep so once Cruise was passed out I turned on the TV and watched whatever was on and then I saw Matt. I raised the blanket to my eyes so I would keep from crying. And then I started to once he made his appearance on screen. I rubbed my face in the blanket to keep myself silent. I grabbed the telephone and dialed the hotel number in Tulsa until he picked up.

"Hello?" It was that real sleepy tone to his voice and sent me into more hysterics.

"Matt..."

"Hey...hey, Essie..." He said real slowly in that real exhausted tone.

"Matt, I'm sorry..."

"What, what are you sorry about? It's...two in the morning over here."

"I-" I felt a hand over my mouth. Cruise was shutting me up and covered the microphone of the phone.

"Are you crazy? Stop. Don't tell him a thing."

"Essie, are you there?"

"Don't tell him about what just happened," Cruise hissed before releasing me.

"Essie, what's going on? You okay, love? What are you listening to?" I guess he heard the TV.

"Matt, I, uh," I looked at Cruise and he had widened eyes.

"My heart rate. It's through the roof. I'm really nervous. And I turned on the TV and My Bodyguard was on and I missed you." I wasn't exactly lying.

"Okay well you need to calm down. Just breathe through it. And you'll be here in a couple days, you'll be right here."

"I know but... I just got real nervous about my heart."

"Well next time just breathe, and you'll be fine, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you. Call me tomorrow."

"Okay," I said.

"Okay, good night."

"Matt."

"Hmm?"

"I love you a lot.... Like... I really love you," I said. I heard him chuckle before inhaling.

"I love you too, baby. Get some sleep."

"Okay. I love you," I said again. He laughed.

"I love you too. You need to get some rest. Good night."

"Night," I hung up the phone and put it back on the table. I was shaking as I turned off the TV and laid back down. Cruise came closer and wrapped his arms around my bare waist and kissed my cheek. And I sat there and prayed until I fell asleep.

****

When Cruise went to go to the audition, I stayed in the hotel room, but all I thought about was the night before. And how I could've told Matt. And how I was miserable because I was keeping it from Matt. So I picked up the phone and dialed the number again. He picked up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Matt, it's me."

"Oh, hey, darlin! I was gonna call you earlier but I got sidetracked. What's going on? How's LA?"

"LA's beautiful."

"You would wanna go back?"

"Yeah."

"Trust me, with the paycheck I'll be getting, we can go to LA whenever we want. How are you and Cruise? Things good?"

"Yeah I guess."

"What's the matter, baby?"

"Nothing."

"You should like there's something. Come on, darlin, I know you better than that. What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, baby."

"Matt, nothing's wrong. I'm just tired."

"Then why'd you call me? Get off the phone and take a nap."

"No, no. I'm fine."

"Alright... You know Tommy's good now. He's fine, he doesn't need to be in bed anymore."

"Really?"

"Really. Hey, look, I miss you. It's only been a day and a half and I miss ya. The bed was empty last night and I had some trouble sleeping."

"Yeah, I, uh, miss you too."

"And when you called me last night, I thought you were in the hospital or something. I was scared. But uh, I love ya. I really do."

"Matt, I Need to tell you something."

"What, baby?"

"Last night, Cruise and I had sex and He didn't want to tell you but I had to because I feel so bad about it and I love you so much and I'm so sorry, I swear to God, Matt." He was quiet and he didn't say anything about about a minute.

"I'm so sorry, Matt," I said, starting to cry.

"I really am."

"What the hell, Essie?"

"Matt... I don't know what to do, I don't know if you're going to leave me or what but I'm so sorry and I feel so bad about it."

"You SLEPT with Cruise after I didn't want you to go on this fucking trip because of the fear that you would sleep with him?!"

"Yes I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry, I get that. Why Essie? Why the hell did you do that?"

"I don't know, Matt! It just happened!"

"What the- what the hell happened? He just-"

"No. He kissed me and it escalated from there and we did it and I felt bad and I couldn't sleep and that's when I called you."

"And he didn't want you to tell me!"

"No, he didn't. He thought you'd kick his ass!"

"Damn right I'll kick his ass! Just wait until he comes back to Tulsa!"

"Matt, I don't know what came over me. It just happened. There are no excuses for it, but I love you and-"

"No you don't Essie. If you did, you wouldn't have slept with one of my friends!"

"Matt, all I thought about was you. I swear to God-"

"Essie... You know... I really don't want to hear the lies right now."

"Matt.... I'm so....so sorry."

"You know, Essie, I'm gonna need some space for a while."

"Matt please-"

"I don't know what I'm gonna do but for right now, just please don't talk to me for a little while."

"Okay."

"Bye," he said before slamming down the phone and hanging up.