Lights, Cameras, Outsiders!

Chapter 14

LCO 14

I did not vomit for weeks after that. All anyone did was go to the set, look at locations, and practice Tai Chi the park down in Tulsa. We did eventually meet the guy who would play Darry, and when he came on set, we all knew he meant serious business. He began to train the other cast members and help them do stunts along with a guy from the Tulsa Tumbling Program. I was sure glad I wasn't there for that because I heard Cruise got hurt many times, and Emilio was not doing too good despite his good intentions.

"I don't understand," I said to Christine after their two weeks of training and rehearsing in the high school. She decided to take a break from them and hang out with me in the gloomy, smelly hotel room for a day.

"Is he upset with you?" she asked filing her nails in the chair by the door.

"I haven't told him anything yet."

"Why?"

"Because he's going to get upset and probably leave again. He's going to be a star one day, Christine, and if I hold him back from one of the many nights we spent together, I will regret for the rest of my life."

"You don't even know you're pregnant. Just check to be sure. Then you can tell him."

"Then I'll lose him."

"How do you know for sure he'll leave you?"

"Cause last time he impregnanted someone, he left."

"But that was someone he barely knew."

"Look, maybe I should just tell someone else and see if they think it's a good idea."

"Oh, what, I'm not an option anymore?" she asked.

"No, no. Like a male's opinion. Like Emilio," I said. Over the past three weeks, we all would go out to dinner and to the arcade and the movies and fool around in the hotel so we all became pretty close within a short amount of time. I personally talked to Matt, Emilio, Cruise, and Patrick most of the time, but I had my conversations with Tommy and Ralph too.

"You're going to tell Emilio, you're pregnant, but not your boyfriend?"

"No because if Matt finds out..."

"I know, I know, he'll leave you," she said, standing up.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Running down to the drugstore to buy you a pregnancy test. Don't worry, I'll be right back."

******

We were all hanging out in my room: Emilio, Matt, Patrick, Ralph, and me.

"Can I use your bathroom?" Emilio said.

"Yeah," I said. Matt and I were lying on the bed, his arm around me as Patrick and Ralph were looking through the scripts and highlighting lines.

"Are you still tired?" Matt asked me.

"No...not anymore," I lied.

"Okay. I was getting worried. I thought maybe you were sick or something," he said.

"Don't worry. I'm fine." I wasn't fine. My anxiety level was skyrocketing through the atmosphere. I took the test as soon as Christine came back. She came back at least five different brands and I took three of them. Positive.

"Essie! Can you come here a minute?!" Emilio said from the bathrooms. Shit. I left the tests out by the sink. I got up and knocked on the bathroom door. He let me and locked it behind me.

"What are these?" he said, pointing to the tests lying by the mirror.

"You know what they are."

"Yeah. Are they yours?" I lowered my voice.

"Yes."

"Does Matt know?" he asked.

"No. And he's not gonna find out."

"When do you plan on telling him, when he's paying for the college fund?"

"No. I don't know, Mil. It's...a hard topic for us, you know that."

"I know that, but he doesn't know he's going to be a father." I was quiet.

"Should I tell him?"

"Yeah, I think that'd be pretty damn important to know."

"But he'll leave."

"He won't leave," he said. Thump, thump, thump, on the bathroom door.

"Is everything all right in there?" Matt said.

"Yeah. Fine," Emilio said.

"Okay."

"Look, I wanted to tell you before but you find out yourself."

"Yeah, I did. Does Susie know?"

"No! And she won't ever either. Just... please don't say anything to him," I said.

"All right. But I think if you're gonna ask for anyone's help, it should be Patrick."

"Patrick?"

"Yeah. He's older. He knows these kinds of things," he said. I nodded, swiping my hand across the countertop and all the tests went into the trash.

"No one says anything."