Lights, Cameras, Outsiders!

Chapter 27

LCO 27

"Now, tell me, what the fight was about now?" Matt asked at lunch.

"Well I guess when you said in the hospital that you could balance work and me, it kind of spooked me," I said.

"Well what happened?"

*********

FLASHBACK

Matt stirred the food around on his plate and ran his fingers through his long hair.

"Matt, what's the matter? Eat your food," I said.

"You know, Essie, I'm not very hungry," he said.

"Aw, why? What's the matter?" I said in between bites of food.

"I just..."

I stopped chewing and swallowed.

"Is something wrong, baby?" I touched his hand.

"I just... I gotta question, Essie."

"Hmm?"

"You know, this movie is about to end soon, and I, uh, was thinking about our future. And I was thinking maybe would you want to move in with me?" I froze.

"Matt....I.... Don't know. I don't know," I said.

"Come on, Essie, we could have a life together. We could move to New York and get comfortable."

"What about... your work? And me? I mean, Matt, we're just 17, you're not even out of high school. Come on..." I said.

"Well, when we get out of high school."

"Your work though."

"What about my work? If I get anymore movies, you can come with me."

"Yeah, and then after some more movies, you'll forget all about me."

"Not if you're living with me."

"Yeah and then it won't matter. You'll say it's not working anymore."

"Essie, do you just not want to move in with me?"

"No, Matt-"

"Cause it sounds like you really fuckin' don't want to come with me."

"Matt-"

"You're listing all these reasons you can't live with me."

"Because they're practical."

"Not my work. I'm willing to sacrifice a couple movies for us."

"Oh yeah say that in a year and then we'll revisit the bank account."

"Damn it, Essie, I'm trying to make this work and you're not letting me," he said, slamming his fist on the table.

"I'm telling you it can't work, Matt, now can we drop the damn subject?" I said picking up his and my plate.

"No! Why don't you want to move in with me?"

"I do! I do want to move in with you but I don't think it's a good idea."

"Because you don't love me?" He got up from the table and stood at the counter while I started the water for the dishes.

"I do love you! I love you more than anything but we just can't move in together at seventeen years old! My God, If you were saying move in with me in Oklahoma City because I live in Tulsa, then okay, I would strongly consider it. But you're asking me to move to Manhattan," I said.

"Or Brookyln. Or wherever you want!"

"Matt, I don't feel comfortable moving to New York with somebody I met four months ago!"

"So you don't love me!"

"I do love you!"

"Then move in with me!"

"I can't!"

"GODDAMN IT, ESSIE, TELL ME WHY YOU CAN'T!"

"BECAUSE ITS NOT. PRACTICAL. MATT!"

"YOU'RE NOT GIVING ME REASONS, YOU'RE GIVING EXCUSES!"

"WE'RE SEVENTEEN, WE CAN BARELY AFFORD A MEAL AT A RESTAURANT, YOU'RE GOING TO BE WORKING BIG TIME, MY FAMILY DOESNT EVEN KNOW YOU!"

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER OUR AGE? WE'RE SEVENTEEN, NOT FIFTEEN!"

"STOP IT! I'M NOT DEALING WITH THIS BULLSHIT!"

"GODDAMN IT, ESSIE! I LOVE YOU AND ILL FIGHT TO LIVE WITH YOU!"

"WELL WE ARE!" He threw the vase off the counter and it shattered on the floor. He got on his hands and knees and started to pick up glass.

"Was this really worth it?" I asked.

"Shut up," he said.

"We'll talk about this again one day but not now."

"God...nothing's right anymore. SHIT!" He cut his hand. I got down on my hands and knees and tried to help him. He took his bloody hand and squeezed my cheeks and kissed me. I backed up.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out of my fuckin house. You're fucking psychotic. Just leave."

"What?"

"GET OUT OF MY GODDAMN HOUSE!"

And that was the last I saw of him. I didn't wash the blood off my face until the next day either.