Lights, Cameras, Outsiders!

Chapter 60

LCO 60

"I mean Jesus, is it that hard to be happy to see your daughter?! And she didn't even let me see the baby?!" I shouted.

"You know, Essie, you were right! You were right! They're impossible!" Matt yelled.

"Oh I know! And it's ridiculous because no matter what I say, they will not get my point!"

"Well, babe, it's not so much your dad as it is your mom!"

"Oh, I know! If anything was to happen to me, she wouldn't give a damn! What- What are you doing? This isn't the way to the hotel."

"No, but it's the way to a bar," he said.

"Good, I need a couple drinks," I said. He pulled in and parked right by the front. We got out and made our way into the smoke filled room where alcohol coated the floor. Matt grabbed me by the hand after I was cat called and led me to the bar. We pulled up a seat at the bar and Matt ordered two bourbons on the rocks.

"To Us," Matt raised his glass.

"To Us," I said and started to gulp the drink back.

"We need to thank God we got out of there before I lost my mind," Matt said.

"I'm proud of you," I said once he finished his drink and ordered another one. Keep in kind, this is 1982. No one cared if eighteen year olds drank.

"Why?" He said.

"You held your tongue," I said.

"I did not. I opened my mouth before we left."

"No. Even then you held your tongue," I said, holding his cheeks with my palms.

"Do we have to see them tomorrow?" He said.

"Yes," I said, giving him a small kiss. He gulped down Another bourbon.

"Another," he said.

"Matt, I only had two. I'm done,"I said. He was on his third.

"Here. Pay the man," he took a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and handed it to me. I gave it to the bartender.

"This will cover most of his," I said to the man. He smiled and took it.

"Another," Matt out his drink down. And Matt had another. And another. I stopped at two. He stopped at eight.

"You're pretty," he said, touching my lip with his index finger and lying on my shoulder.

"Okay, that's enough drinks for you. Thank you," I gave the bartender a tip and put my arm around his back and steadied him on the floor. One step, two step. His weight fell over me and his arm was draped across my shoulders. He smelled of whiskey and tobacco, reminding me of some nights I spent in Boston some time ago, the whiskey and the parties and the gruff voices of elderly men. We walked to the truck and I opened the passenger door and he shakingly got in. I started the truck with the key I got from his back pocket and pulled out. I swear if he had went alone to that bar, someone would've stolen his truck and wallet.

"Essie," Matt started to touch the steering wheel.

"No, don't touch the steering wheel," I said.

"Essie."

"What, Matt?"

"Will you marry me?"

"One day."

"No,...tonight!"

"No not tonight."

"Why? You don't love me?" If there was anything I knew about Matt being drunk it was that whatever came out of his mouth was truth, the raw, uncensored truth.

"No I love you."

"You don't act like it."

"What do you mean I don't act like it?"

"You don't kiss me, you don't hug me, you don't have sex with me-"

"Is that all love means to you?!"

"No. I want you to encourage me..." Now I felt bad.

"You always turn me down. You turned me down with the apartment...and marriage...and kids..."

"No, no, Matt, honey, I don't mean to hurt your feelings," he started to slump forward and hit his mouth on the dashboard.

"Shit," I muttered. Once we were at a red light, I pushed him back and a had a small trail of blood running from his mouth to his neck. Great.

****

Matt slept all night on the couch and then at about seven o clock in the morning, he had his head in the toilet, waking me up with his coughing and retching. So without even telling him, I went down to the local drugstore and stocked up on sports drinks, lots of bottled water, paper towels, painkillers, saltines, coca cola, breath mints, and then went to a restaurant to get some premade soup to go. And breakfast and lunch for myself.

When I came back, Matt was laying across the bathroom floor, sweating and in his underwear.

"Hi, honey," he said weakly. I smiled.

"Hi. I got you some stuff to make you feel better," I said.

"Oh you did? What'd you get?" He turned over on his stomach and winced.

"Some Coca Cola, Sports drinks, Water, painkillers, crackers, soup, and some mints," I said.

"Can I have some pain killers?"

"Yeah, hold on," I poured about four ibuprofen out and and went and handed it to him. I got him a bottled water and he chugged it down and closed the bottle.

"How you feeling?" I was kneeling next to his head and Started to run my fingers through his wet hair.

"Like shit," he said.

"Aw, I know hangovers suck," I said, kissing his forehead. I moved to his nose, and then his mouth.

"why did you just kiss me?" He asked, "I smell like sewerage."

"Because I love you...Matt, you said something last night that's been bothering me."

"What could I have possibly said?" He lifted his head a little for emphasis but moaned in pain.

"You asked me why I don't love you. Well you said I don't act like I love you," I said.

"Why do you even listen to me when I'm drunk? That's not true," he said. I move his hair from his forehead.

"But you started listing reasons why. That's why it bothered me," I said.

"Essie, don't worry about it. I know you love me. I mean, you went out and got all this stuff for me when I have this hangover. I know you love me. Don't overthink it," he said, sitting up.

"Can I have at least have a kiss?" I said.

"No. I got another wave coming."