Lights, Cameras, Outsiders!

Chapter 52

LCO 52
I nervously got in the front seat and closed the door behind me. It smelled like a mixture of nicotine and the heater. I slumped in the chair and didn't dare to look at him. He finished his cigarette and rolled up the window.
"Essie...I haven't seen you in a while," he said.
"I know..."
"I wanted you down here so we could talk about what happened. Are you okay with that?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Why...did you do it?"
"I think I figured that out in my weeks of isolation," I said.
"What is it?"
"I think I was just... I think we just had a bland sex life. I think there was something missing and Cruise was right there and we were alone and we were both tired, but we had no excuses for it, I swear," I spit it out. He nodded and turned the heater down.
"Because of our sex life?"
"Yes. We hadn't been doing it that much since my cardiac arrest, and I...you know."
"Okay, so lack of sex was why you did it?"
"And maybe it wasn't exciting."
"Okay. So is that something I need to improve on?"
"No, we don't-"
"Look, Essie, cut the crap. Did you cheat on me because we had a lack of sex or because you don't love me?"
"Lack of sex!"
"Are you sexually frustrated?"
"Matt, you know I don't like that term!"
"Well Essie, that's EXACTLY it, isn't it?!"
"Yes, I am, okay, Matt?"
"I'm sorry, but I really need to get to the bottom of this. Are you sexually frustrated?"
"Yes! Okay? Yes! And Cruise was the closest one to me and I'm sorry!"
"Jesus, Essie, You've got to be open with me right now!"
"I am!"
"Do you love him?!"
"No, I don't! Like I said he was the closest one to me!"
"Okay so if a prostitute was next to you and offered sex at that moment would you have taken it?"
"I don't know, Matt! I don't freakin know!"
"Okay, okay, okay, let's not scream at each other..." He said quietly.
"I'm sorry, Matt, it's just these questions are hard and this whole situation is hard to deal with and I keep repeating myself over and over and everybody's pissed at me and I deserve it and I don't know how to take all this in and how we're going to deal with it and how you're pissed at me and what Susie says and what-" he grabbed my hand with both of his.
"Calm down," he said, turning my arm over and laid two fingers on my wrist.
"You need to calm down," he said quietly.
"Matt...I'm a horrible person... I don't deserve this," I said, starting to cry.
"Essie, stop. It's been a month. I'm starting to get over it," he said, rubbing his thumb on the top of my hand.
"Matt. I don't-"
"Stop... If we want to still be together, there's a couple things we need to go over."
"Okay," I nodded. He came closer and leaned over the seat and still had a grip of my hand.
"If I want you back by a certain time, please be back. I want to know where you are at all times, not just because of this but because of your heart too."
"Okay," another tear fell down my face.
"And I don't really want you talking to Cruise for a long while, okay?"
"Yeah."
"And if you ever feel this way again, you need to tell me. I may not be able to do anything at the moment but if it really bothers you, we can do something about it later," he said. I nodded and started to wipe my tears.
"I'm sorry," I said. He was so close I felt his breath on my cheeks.
"I still love you, Essie. It's just trust is going to be an issue for a while," he said. I nodded and sniffed.
"Okay, I understand."
"I'd like to have you back in the hotel room," he said. I nodded again, and he chuckled.
"You okay?" he said.
"Yeah... Can I have a hug?"
"Yes," he said, pulling me closer and wrapping his arms around my back as I put my arms around his neck.
"I love you so much, Matt," I said.
"I love you too... Do you want to get your things from your house and come over tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"Okay..." He backed up and stared at me. I wiped my cheeks again.
"Come here," he pulled me in and gave me a kiss for one...two...three seconds and he let go and smiled.
"I'm gonna go," I said, opening the door.
"Bye."
"Bye."