Letters to you, Book 5 in Wingless Series

Letter 17

I know without the ones I love nothing else matters. Love to me is a funny thing, I never wanted it. And now that I have it, my whole body needs it to function. Love is more torturous and maddening then what I do.

Evan

It felt like it was the first time I looked at him, I had only been away for two nights, and to me looking at him was fresh. I wondered if I was the only person in the world who could see the same person for years, then one day feel as if I were seeing them with new eyes. My brain playing tricks on me, were they really who I always saw? Was I crazy or the image my mind sparked not that at all?

"You look awful." I whispered as Evan held Oliver tightly on his chest as he slept. He had a black eye and a big gash on his forehead, his large knuckles showing signs of bruises and ugly purple and reddish cuts.

"You should see Kenny." He said trying to play it off as if it wasn't that bad of a thing.

"You could have left it alone, you know that right?" I asked.

Kenny was wrong for calling me names, and Evan was not the guy to stand back while someone he loved was trashed. But it just wasn't the time to tear each other to pieces.

"Are you kidding me, he's lucky that's all that happened. No one talks to you like that, you're not Ari." Evan said biting at his lip; he glanced around the room waiting for her to show up out of nowhere.

Dad passed by the living room giving a polite nod in passing.

"How long do you think you're going to keep your Dad hostage?" Evan asked staring at me for an answer.

"Ha ha you're funny." I said sitting up.

"Ok, look I thought long and hard as to what to tell you. We have two options its simple; either we once again try to make things work. Or we do what we have to to make everyone happy." Evan explained.

"And what does that even mean?" I asked. Nothing about his explanation sounded easy, or like anything that would make anyone feel better.

"Gus wanted someone on his side, he wants power. Instead of what he wanted, he got more then what he wanted. But there is always the other hand Eve. And I love you enough to do whatever it is you want." Evan said looking at me searching my eyes for understanding.

"What do you think I want, I just want for us all to be happy. It's been years and no one is ever happy, one struggle after the other Evan. Life can't keep being this way." I said feeling sad all of a sudden.

"This is how my life has always been; you're the only thing in it that's ever made me happy. But I can see it's getting to be too much for you. So it's like I said Eve." Evan said trailing off.

"Like what?"

"Gus only wanted one of us, if this is not what you wanted and you can't go through with knowing how evil of a condition this is. Then I will back out. Kenny has no problem with changing his lifestyle, and that's all it will take to keep Gus happy." Evan said sitting up he laid Oliver on the couch standing, his face worried.

I immediately followed him to the front door.

"Are you stupid, that doesn't solve anything. It takes you away from me, from Oliver from everything. I don't want to be without you, the thought of it makes me sick." I held my breath afraid to think about it any further.

Evan sighed pushing open the screen door.

"Then please tell me what I am supposed to do, because you're not happy. You're at your Dad's house with our son because of all of this." Evan said taking a seat on the porch steps.

"I want Gus to stay away from Oliver; I don't want him in our home. And I want a life with you, you can be as evil as you want from nine to five, I just want a life of some kind with the man that I love." I said sighing.

I rested my head against his arm a little bothered I would say what I had said. What kind of girl was willing to put up with such horror as long as she got a little happiness?

It felt selfish, but I knew I had no choice. We had no choice.

"You and our son mean the world to me, I just want you to know what we signed up for, and it's not pretty at all. It's not anything but selfish, blind murderous warfare. Blood for power and you're going to see things and hear things you never imagined. Are you sure you want to go along with that?" Evan asked sending a chill down my spine.

I closed my eyes nodding my head, my voice to afraid to be heard. Staring off into the night, I held him close to me. The one thing that meant the world to me was him, I created my world around him. Everything I knew anymore all involved Evan, sometimes I even felt that I was destined to be a part of death. And if there was more shocks to the system on their way, I was going to plant my feet, grit my teeth and take on each one. That what did not kill me would power me to push forward.