Letters to you, Book 5 in Wingless Series

Normal is as normal does

Hotel bars were not for the easily disturbed. But that didn't matter that much to me anymore. I was in misery, as the jukebox played a song that seemed dedicated to me. I cringed as I threw back another Jack Daniels; to me it was the strongest and easiest way to kill my hurt and broken feelings.

"Seven." I declared setting down the shot glass. That was the number of shots I had consumed in a very short amount of time.

Kenny gave a weak smile throwing back another beer, I surveyed his beer caps. The ones he so perfectly lined up next to him. Four was all, it seemed my problem was only mine and Kenny was doing his best to humor me. I didn't care if he left me here; I had created the mess. If only for once I didn't need to act on impulse, maybe if I thought once in a while before I acted.

"What is the whole point of this?" Kenny asked referring to my drinking binge.

I picked up the shot glass choking back one more and tossed the shot glass onto the floor, satisfied with the glass at my feet.

"Let's go back to the hotel." Kenny suggested giving me a careful look.

"Excuse me." I called out to the waitress. "Can I have the whole bottle?"

Who needed shots I thought to myself. I kept control of myself long enough to get the bottle in my hands. Unscrewing the cap I indulged tipping my head back and chugging nearly half before Kenny jerked it out of my hands. He nearly slapped me enraged at my careless behavior.

"Grow up and deal with your love life like normal people do Eve, now let's go." He snapped grabbing me by the arm.

"I don't want to go!" I yelled at him swatting and making a complete fool out of myself.

"And how do normal people act anyways about love?!" I bellowed trying to grab for the bottle that was carefully tucked away behind Kenny's back.

"You are making a fool out of yourself right now!" Kenny griped taking my sweater off the back of my chair, ready to leave.

I looked around at the five people sitting in the bar. The old man probably divorced four times in his lifetime. The two college guys who gawked at my behavior, probably were there waiting for the perfect opportunity to slip someone a roofie. And the two forty something woman, well we all knew they were dead and miserable.

I kicked my chair at the jukebox, hoping it would stop the sad depressing music from haunting me.

"Eve, seriously what the hell is wrong with you?" Kenny asked sitting back down.

"What do normal people do Kenny, tell me that?" I asked stumbling toward our table.

Kenny grabbed my leg to keep me from falling, finally I was seated and he was free to smoke.

"Ha!" I exclaimed clapping my hands. "You're nervous about something too."

He blew out smoke sitting back in his seat.

"I am trying to figure out why you of all people are acting like a jackass right now." He explained.

There was nothing normal about love, I thought to myself as I watched Kenny.

"Evan was upset; you know how he feels about his son. Give it a day he will see you meant no harm." Kenny suggested.

"He nearly killed me, Evan was vicious back there. I think he really wanted to hurt me." I recalled going back to his enraged face, his hands that I was sure were about to choke the life out of me.

"You're the mother of his kid, isn't that normal?" He laughed dodging my punch.

"Look at you; you look like you were attacked by a bear. When has he ever done that to you?" I asked looking Kenny over again.

Kenny put out his cigarette, taking the beer from the waitress. He sighed shrugging it all off, he knew as well as I that things weren't ok.

"I really think I screwed up big time Kenny." I wept, throwing my head down on the table hard. It wasn't the first time today it was manhandled.

"No, no no." Kenny yelled slapping me back up. He was in a panic at the thought of me crying all night.

"We should leave huh?" I sobbed as he walked me toward the door. My arm wrapped around his shoulders.

Kenny struggled to unlock the hotel room door, kicking it the rest of the way with his foot. I blindly guided myself to the bed, which to me was nothing more than a blur. I knew I would regret it all in the morning.

"Lie down, and try not to puke. You drank a lot back there." Kenny pointed out.

I did as he instructed my whole body sprawled right down the middle of the bed.

"Now get some sleep." Kenny said taking a seat in the small chair near the window. I rolled to my side to watch him. He lit up another cigarette throwing his feet up on the edge of the bed.

"What makes you stick around?" I asked trying to get comfortable as the room took off into a slow spin.

"Stop all this mushy bullshit; I'm here because I want to be. Who else would put up with all of this?" He muttered.

"Will you please just tell me what you think I should do. Evan and I talked about this gift I have and he was not on board at all." I hiccupped.

Kenny looked away from me; I waited patiently covering up with the comforter, ready to pass out.

"Only you know what is right for you. Don't let him dictate what you do with your life. Love or no love he doesn't have the right to control you." Kenny offered.

I nodded taking his words in, he was right. Even if Evan did not like it, that didn't make it wrong.

"That leaves you with the question of what to do I suppose." Kenny said coming to sit on the bed. He stared down at me, my eyes barely open I tried my hardest to stay awake.

"Sometimes I wish Evan was like you." I slurred almost asleep.

I felt Kenny tapping me; this intriguing enough for him to wake me back up.

"What the heck does that mean, like me?" He prodded. "I thought I was the worst guy ever?"

I forced myself to sit up, slapping myself awake.

"You don't judge me, it doesn't matter what I do your still here. I can't say that about Evan, if that would have been you and Oliver was yours, you would have worried about both of us." I admitted looking away.

"I don't know about that." Kenny said shaking his head.

"Kenny the first thing you did when you guys got there was check me out to see if I was hurt. Evan walked right past me." I insisted.

I didn't feel bad for saying it because it was the truth. I wasn't going to lie to myself and make excuses for someone who claimed he loved me more than anything. Someone who pushed me to the side, I was supposed to be just as important as the other things they loved.

"He was in a panic, let's just go to sleep. And you give it a day or so. See what happens." Kenny said turning off the lamp.

As the room filled with darkness, I weighed my options. I asked myself how I felt, I even imagined life differently. None of those gave me any answers to my biggest question.

Where did I belong?