Langst oneshots? Probably.

Attention isn't all.

Art by: ikimaru on tumblr

I sat on the seat of what I considered the living room of the castle. I was watching Allura as she talking about the planet we were visiting. The planet was apparently home to a species that were nicknamed Emotions because, well, they can feel your emotions.

They can also read your memory if you let them but Allura didn't seem as fascinated by that part. I continued sitting there as if I wasn't having a mental breakdown right now. They can feel emotions. They'll feel my emotions. They can read minds. They could read my mind.

I gulped as Allura started up the wormhole. She said that we would first speak to the townsfolk, who would give us all an individual gift to enjoy based on what we need right now. Allura also said that we would all go talk to the king, who can tell all your emotions, no matter how small, no matter what.

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I was petrified, what was gonna happen?

When we landed on the planet the first thing I saw were a bunch of aliens flocking around Allura and Coran, probably knowing they are Alteans. Then, as that crowd dispersed, some came to Hunk and some to Pidge and they all scattered around to the different paladins.

After that settled down and the emotion sensing aliens found who they liked most, I was left with no emotion feeling aliens.  I looked around, seeing that some of the aliens were giving me side glances. Some of the looks were filled with concern while others gave me a bad taste in my mouth.

I felt my gut drop when I realized none of the aliens would hang out with me right now. So, I walked into their town. There was a group of kids running around and playing what seemed to be a game of tag and another group of aliens witting on the outlines of a forest that ran by. The group by the forest were making flower crowns.

I felt my gut swell with the thought of flower crowns. I used to make them all the time with my sisters and brothers back at home. I slowly walked over there but as I got closer I saw one of the girls turn to me and give me a nasty glare. I suddenly felt like crap and walked away from the group, going towards what looked like a bench.

I sat down and laid my head in my hands. I felt tears stinging my eyes but I wouldn't let them run down my cheeks. I just got rejected by a group of little girls. It seemed like everyone here hated me.  I sat on the bench for a while until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up and saw an old looking woman with her hand on my shoulder. I knew my eyes probably looked red because of the tears I kept trying and failing at holding back. I gave her a light smile before putting my head back in my hands.

I expected the woman to walk away but instead I heard a shuffle and then felt a presence next to me. I looked up at the woman. She gave me a light smile and started talking in the most soothing voice I had ever heard.

"You, dear, seem very sad. Either that or my sensors are playing a trick on me again."

I gave the women a smile, feeling my spirit shift a little. I felt happier knowing that not all the aliens hated me. I stared at the women for a moment before speaking, "I'll be okay. I've survived this long, aye?"

The woman didn't even crack a smile. I let mine drop, it felt half fake anyway. I stared at the lady as she shook her head.

"One of those boys, huh," she stated. I was confused by what she was implying but I didn't acknowledge it. The woman continued, "let me see your memories, boy. You'd be a fool to keep going on like this."

I didn't know how to respond to her so I just nodded and let her search through my memories. Though, I wouldn't have done it if I knew I would be submerged in only darkness, memories whizzing past me before we stopped at one.

My mid went blank as she searched my mind. When she finished I looked at her. My brain still felt blank but eventually the feeling wore off and I felt really bad again. The woman looked at me, sadness in her eyes.

I watched her for a moment, her eyes were staring into the depths of mine. After a minute or so she hugged me. I gasped a bit but leaned into the touch. It was so warm, so comforting. Before I knew it there were many aliens hugging me.

The woman looked up at me and winked, I smiled. A real smile. All the aliens that were hugging me eventually dispersed and came up to me at different times, asking if they would speak to me, hug me, vent to me. A few even asked to see my memories, which I let them do.

Allura, Shiro, and everyone else came up to me, they were all very confused.

"The thing you needed most right now was attention? Don't you get enough of that already," Allura said, giving me a confused look. What she said hurt but I ignored it.

The lady who came up to me first stared at me and mouthed, 'this is how you get treated?'. I only nodded sadly.

A small alien came up to me and gave me a large smile, then they hugged me. I smiled at the child alien and the alien begged to see my memories. I nodded and held out my hand for them.

My teammates were asking what was happening and why I was getting so much attention. But soon they fell silent. At first, I was confused why but soon I realized it's because my memories were being played on a large screen.

I watched the screen go by, memory after memory. From my moms death, to the first time my dad hit me, to the time I had defended my siblings, from the time I was sitting in my room, a bottle of antidepressants emptied in my hand, to the time I woke up in the hospital, to the time I was accepted into the Garrison.

It would've kept going on but I yanked my hand back from the kid and ran off, tears in my eyes. It was better when I couldn't see them, when they were repressed thoughts, when I made them so small they were almost nonexistent.

I ran and ran and didn't look back until I felt a hand grab my wrist. I turned around and Keith was there, looking worried and afraid for me. I glared a bit but it was drowned out by tears. I tried to grab my arm away from him but he held it there.

I felt tears running down my cheeks like a flood. I just stare sat him. Keith eventually came to his senses and pulled me towards him. He was hugging me. I smiled a little.

I felt better. Truly better.

Life would get better.