All I want | Shawn Mendes

Chapter 19

I feel empty, I thought I would feel happier because I'd be out of a toxic relationship but no, I feel lost actually. I've been so used to being with Shawn that I've forgotten what it feels like. I've been standing here now for a while, I have no idea how long, I just keep replaying me and Shawn's argument in my head.
"Maybe, we just need to stay away from each other for a while?"
"No, no please, we love each other, I love you"
He doesn't love me. That was a lie.
I take a deep breath and I turn away and walk home, this wasn't how I imagined my prom night.
I look up and I see black and then I hear my phone ring, I don't answer, I don't feel like talking to anyone right now. I move my pillow off my head and look around at my room, I haven't left my bed all day, well I went to the bathroom once but that's it. I have the weird sensation in my stomach, it's not nerves, I can't really explain it but I suppose it could be nerves? I don't know.. I've never felt like this before. I still feel empty inside, it's so weird to feel this much pain and not be able to call Shawn and tell him. My phone rings again, it's Grayson. I debate in my head if I should answer or not but I don't.
It's a risk to love.
I eventually let Lily come over and try to cheer me up even though she won't succeed.
"You need to eat" She says but I don't listen to her, I stay where I am, lying in my bed .
"You Have to let it go, the way he kissed you, the way he smelled, the way he touched your waisted when he pulled you in. You have to let it go" she says.
"Love is overrated" I say. "It always leaves you feeling empty in the end" I add as a tear falls down my cheek. "But don't you think it's worth it?" Lily asks.
"No" I reply. "Not if it destroys who you are" I say looking at her.