The Ways He Fall

44 | much better when she's here

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44

IT REALLY DOESN'T help when there's a fucking cigarette pack situated in the car pocket. I grunted, feeling the burning need to just smoke one right now. I clutched onto my steering wheel, trying to resist the temptation. It doesn't help even more when the lighter is just beside it. It helped me cope with my shitty mood sometimes, and when it doesn't — I just drink and try to forget those bullshit.

I can't.

Just for tonight.

I can't.

It's right there.

I fucking can't!

You won't need it once you go to her.

When was the last time I smoked?

That night back at the party, when a high Milana told me she hated the smell of my breath — reeking of cigar. I hate myself for getting to it in the first place, and getting involved with the shittiest people. Knowing the fact that this cancerous stick also affects my performance at the gym irritates me more.

Jacob used to have a bad smoking habit, but quit seven years ago and lived a healthier life. I'm not addicted to smoking. I would do it twice a month meanwhile people would smoke five packs a day.

I rang her doorbell, backing myself off before taking another puff. God, she's gonna kill me.

And I hope she does.

Her voice came gradually closer. "Coming!"

The door opens to see a nervous looking Milana with a blank face. "H—Hey. . ." But when her eyes dropped to the object between my fingers, it widened. "What the hell? Why are you smoking on my por—"

"Stop me," I quietly commanded, inching closer to her spot as her nose can now pick up the smell. "Fucking hell, Tonta. Stop me."

She stared at me bewildered, with a hint of concern instead of scrunching her nose up in disgust. "P—Perez, what's wrong?" Her voice slightly croaked as I felt her warm palm on my cheek.

I admit I wanted to be held by her, so badly.

I'm craving affection.

From this one girl.

"Stop, stop." She commanded, rapidly pulled the stick off my fingers as well as the box of cigar in my other hand as I felt her other fingers tugging onto my wrist, pulling me inside. I sat myself onto the dining chair with a dry throat. She filled me up a cup of water as I immediately chugged it down. "Talk."

I swallowed the last drop. "Jeremy."

Her brows furrowed. "What happened with him?"

"I got an acceptance from UC."

"What do you mean? That's grea—Oh" She cut herself off with a realization expression. "—is it still because he wants you to work for him again?"

I barely nod my head. "I'm going to be trained in few weeks and officially start."

"So you're not going to university at all?"

I shook my head again.

She sighed. "I really don't understand the rush."

I sarcastically chuckled. "It's simple but stupid. He thinks I'm going to be partying all morning and waste my time there trying to get a degree." I ran a hand through my hair, agitatedly. "I only planned to set up parties until senior year and that's it, I won't do it again."