𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 [𝗻𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻] ✓

2.3

2.3
[jaemin]
—

there i am, sitting on the chair with the white paper in my hands. even though i got only one letter, i know she would send more. enough to believe them and make me stay away from her boyfriend.

what will jeno do when i told him she was doing this. making his best friend doubting himself. i don't think he would do anything.

since he already spilled my secret to the whole school. i can't even walk to my locker without getting stares. i hate it, i hate it so much.

i don't want people to stare at me, i just want them to forget the whole rumor and start another one. i want minsun to leave me alone.

i sighs and open the paper, take a deep breath before reading everything. i really hope she's keeping it short this time, without all the insults.

—

na jaemin,

i heard you snapped today. you yelled to mark, while you were in class. i have to say that i'm surprised.

i actually didn't mean to set you up against your friends, but i guess that would work too.

mark didn't come after you when you run out of the classrooms, didn't he? actually, he didn't show up at all. he was with donghyuck the whole time.

he didn't make time to talk to you, or make it up. i wouldn't too. no one talked to you today.

you know why they did that. your not that important. you skipped school, we made plans to go to sun&moon. without telling you, i think i'm done by now.

i bet it was nice without a talkative jaemin around. no i don't think, i know. don't you see the tired faces when you start to talk about bullshit again?

i do, everyone gives each other a look when you start talking about literally nothing important.

just see for yourself next time.

- [o.ms]

—

i don't toss the paper away this time. i just lay it on my desk and stare at it. tears streaming down my cheeks again. why is she always right about these things?

did she know i felt like this? did i accidentally say i always thought i talked too much? she shouldn't be able to hurt me like this, but she does it anyway.

i rub the tears away, smiling softly. i don't know why i'm getting so emotional about old news. i know i'm not that important to my friends.

i already knew it from day one i met them. you know how our friend group has a uneven number, it's always been donghyuck, mark, jeno, hyun and i.

hyun and jeno are really close together, they've been neighbors since they were three. their parents are really close friends since college, that way the two were even more close.

of course mark and donghyuck. you can't get between them, no matter how hard you try. it's better to give up on your idea. even though mark is popular with the girls he always made clear that he is with donghyuck.

and then there's me. i'm the only one left. i look up to my ceiling, knowing the salty tears won't fall if i stay like this. i still have a little smile plastered on my face.

i'm disgusted by myself. i'm disgusted by minsun and i'm disgusted by jeno and my friends. i don't want to see them, or talk to them.

it may sound like i'm overreacting everything, maybe i am. but i'll never forget how i overheard my mom talking to my dad. she was saying that i take others opinions way too seriously, and that i think too low of myself.

since that day i closed everything and it's like i build this wall around me. the wall who's not letting anyone trough.

i got depression a year later.

the great so called wall did not let any sunshine trough, the feeling of being surrounded in darkness made me feel like i was suffocating.

i talked to no one, but my parents. went to see a therapist once in the two weeks and went to school. i faked everything when i was at school.

guess that's the reason faking goes easy now. if i had to be honest. i'm really scared.

i'm scared that the wall who i broke down brick by brick will be build back. the brick wall never really left, it was just forgotten, a old ruin.

the feeling of being surround and being suffocated never really leaved my mind. i always feel this empty mess when i'm home alone, or doing other things on my own.

that's the scary part. you never know when the wall gets build up again and the darkness will surround you again.

and right now, i'm scared i will do it without knowing.

—

[a/n]
when school is starting again for you, good luck on school.

if you have a free day like my little brother. your one lucky bastard