I was doing so well and then those pesky suicidal thoughts came back. After realising that I had indead displaced my anger for my Father onto my Mother all those thoughts and feelings for him came back. I had blocked them off for so long that I don't really know what to do with them now. I feel like I'm thirteen again, crying for my Father to come back. I went very emotionally numb for a few days so that I didn't have to deal with the intense anger that was building. It was a good thing that I couldn't experience those negative emotions but it also meant I couldn't experience positive ones, like affection. It is weird being in a relationship and having no feelings for that person. It's only the start of the relationship so it's probably better we're not jumping into everything. At least I'm not, I told her I wanted to take things slow but she has made us something we're not. She's already said I love you and keeps trying to push me to be intimate, which I'm not ready for.
Now she wants to break up because she is stressed out about everything. I've tried to tell her that holding everything in and not seriously talking things through with someone only hurts you more. She just gets more and more worked up about it all and is pushing everyone away. If she just talked to someone and got another perspective on the situation she'd probably realise she's overreacting.
To be completely honest I feel like she led me on. I wasn't looking for a relationship and I've said all year that I wasn't ready for one, but she made me feel like I couldn't say no. I thought maybe we could build the relationship and work on it as we go but she is just being so stubborn and selfish. Now I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because they're gonna think I'm stupid for only being in the relationship for six days and it already failed. Plus, like with Luke, everyone thinks that they're this quiet kind soul that could do no wrong. Everyone always says to me that she has a lot going on, but so do I and she should of thought about that before doing this to me. She knew I was in recovery for mental health and said she only wanted what is best for me. I should just kill myself. I just can't with people anymore.
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My Journey To Normality (Part 2)
القصة القصيرة•This is a story based on true events about someone who is on their journey to recovery from mental illness. Their questioning of gender and sexuality. Going through relationships and break ups. Just an all about coming of age story of a person that...
