My Journey To Normality (Part 2)

11/2/19

I have no idea what number attempt this was but obviously it wasn't successful again. I overdosed everyday, seven days in a row, to try and cause my liver or kidney to fail. My body must be hella resilient because it didn't work.

Saturday night two officers turned up to my flat and after a few minutes I convinced them I was fine and they left. However they didn't leave and ten minutes later they came back. They knocked at my door and wouldn't leave so I grabbed my bag and walked off. I didn't get very far before another two officers grabbed me and restrained me. I wouldn't tell them what I had done, but eventually they worked it out, but because I refused to cooperate they sectioned me under 136. A 136 section is what the police use to detain people with mental illness if they are thought to be unable to make informed decisions for themselves and their safety. The problem with the section was that it only lasts twenty four hours and the treatment for my overdose last longers. On the section I don't have the right to refuse treatment but once it ends I get that right back and can leave, which is what I had planned on doing. So the hospital put me under a section 5(2), which can last up to seventy two hours and means I can't leave the hospital untill I'm assessed by a mental health professional. I'm just waiting for my blood tests to come back clear and then I'll be assessed. They'll either let me go home or they'll put me on another section and I'll be transported to another hospital.

Thing is, I know that I'm not gonna stop, if they let me go home I'm gonna hang myself off the tree in front of my flat. I may of been in hospital all day yesterday but the police officers made it a good day and I think that's a good place to end it. I'm constantly told that I'm wasting police time and NHS resources because of being suicidal and mentally ill and that's why I don't call on them when I am in crisis. When the doctor sectioned me he told me I had wasted a lot of police time because they had to keep me under constant observation, as is the law while I'm on a 136 section. He also told me I was selfish. The police officer who was with me was fuming at him and pulled him aside to tell him how he had no right to treat me like that, how he had made a suicidal person feel worse and that I hadn't wasted any bodies time. Most police officers are complete fine responding to cases like mine because it's an real crisis where someone's life is really in danger. Most of them are frustrated they can't do more and it's their job to keep people safe. I think I made a few officers upset because they all hate that they can't do much to keep me safe and I don't have the support I obviously need. If you're suicidal you are not selfish and if you're in a crisis don't be afraid to call on someone.