I keep thinking about how close to death I actually was, I don't think I've dealt with that yet. I guess I always knew death was a possibility; however I've failed to kill myself so many times that I didn't think I actually could die from those attempts. I just wanted people to see how broken and desperate I was for help and it became routine and familiar. It always felt like people just pushed me off onto someone else to be their problem. I know I'm also to blame, I did push people away who were trying to help. I'm just so used to being treated so poorly that when people treat me right and actually want to help I don't believe them, or think I deserve it, put it down to them manipulating me somehow.
I also keep thinking about the last time I felt that close to dying. That's not a memory I want to remember.
Anyway I saw the doctor today and he was actually nice, which is rare in these places. He wants me to work on some structured clinical management skills while I'm here and also work on a safety plan for when I leave the hospital. I start work on the plan tomorrow with someone from the Crisis team. Hopefully after I've done all that I'll get discharged on Monday.
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My Journey To Normality (Part 2)
Short Story•This is a story based on true events about someone who is on their journey to recovery from mental illness. Their questioning of gender and sexuality. Going through relationships and break ups. Just an all about coming of age story of a person that...
