The Lion King IV: Kopa's Story (COMPLETED)

Chapter 50

My heart was a heavy stone in my chest. It weighed me down with each step, each thought, each moment I am breathing.

It ached in a way I thought it never would again. In a way I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It burned my soul, my very being.

The loss of my father and Makuma all at once—it was a pain that could not be described.

I felt myself slipping again. Slipping into a darkness that should feel foreign but it felt all too familiar, so clear. It would be better for everyone if I just allowed it to consume me. Vitani would have the cubs and I knew she would raise them to be good, to be the lions they are meant to be. Kiara and Kovu would have their thrown back. Kion wouldn't have to see the face of the lion that let their father die. It would be easier for Nala—my mother to live out her last few years without having to see a reminder of her husbands murderer.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't be king. Me? Just because I'm Simba and Nala's first born? Kiara should be queen. She knows the lands better than I, the people better than I. How could I just take this from her? From my own sister? I already took her father, now her kingdom?

I needed to leave. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't. My heart dipped and I felt it touch the very pit of my stomach when I looked over at my wife and children, leaving them would kill me. I knew I wouldn't last a day out there on my own, without knowing how they were, without their smells and touch and love.

Vitani croaked at my side, the sun hours away from dawning, and in its wake breaking me into a beast I didn't know I could stoop down to. I was nothing.

"Baby, talk to me." She begged and tried to turn my muzzle to face her but quit her actions when I didn't budge. "It's not your fault, Tana. It'll never be your fault."

"It doesn't change the fact that they're gone." I weep into my paws. My shoulder burning with every turn of my body. It would scar and I was glad. The last thing my father would leave me was a scar and I was okay with it. It would remind me of the terrible awful thing I did-the thing I didn't do-save him.

"We're all hurting. They will always be family. But, you have to be strong for us. For all of us. Tomorrow's-"

"I don't want to talk about the coronation Vitani. It's hardly the biggest thing at paw right now."

"I'm not talking about the coronation—I'm talking about the mourning. Everyone is feeling it. Yours isn't overlooked but—it's not the only feelings that are damaged right now."

I knew she was right. She always was. But I didn't want to care anymore about what others wanted or needed or felt. I wanted to drown in my own pain. Let it consume me.

"The cubs lost a grandfather, uncle, father, friend and King. Think of them." She states and I try to pull myself from my thoughts and accept her words. It's hard. Near impossible for me to feel anything but my own wallowing. But my cubs, my brother, mother and sister needed me now more than ever. The kingdom needed me too as much as I didn't want it.

"Get some rest, Tana. Your coronation and training is in the morning."

But I couldn't stay.

I slowly, silently, rose to my feet and padded as gently as I could out of Pride Rocks den. This wasn't my home. My home was my own den, an hour away from here. Where it kept us cool and dry and where our memories were made. That was my home.

I stepped into the early morning and looked away from the tip of Pride Rock. But, when I did, something caught my eye. 

"Tanabi?" My name is called but I don't make any effort to look at the person who called me. I didn't care.