Omega (Alpha & Omega #1)

{Chapter Twenty Nine}

My heat was coming. I could feel it in every part of my body. It could come within minutes, hours, or days. But I could feel it curling in my stomach, threatening my sanity.

I didn't want my heat to come. A part of me wanted to ask Keon and Cayson if they would give me those pills so that I can ward it off another month, but I doubted they would.

I had one more day to decide if I wanted to stay or go. And while my mind reminded me time and time again of my rank and what I would do if I mated with them, the other part of my mind didn't care. I wanted them, regardless of my rank and regardless of what my mating with them would cause for them.

I knew I still didn't love them. Unfortunately, I wasn't sure I ever would. Wanting to be with them and be in their company was different from love. The two of them, if they truly loved me, showed me affection in ways I'd never be available. And if I was able to be available in that sense, it wouldn't be for a while.

One day. I had one day to decide for sure. I'd told them time and time again since Savvy came to the house that I wanted to leave, but they were having none of it. So even if I decided I wanted to go tomorrow, they'd probably put me under lock and key.

They were my fated mates. But I didn't want them to be. Or, more honestly, I didn't want to be theirs. They didn't need me in their life. I was too screwed up for this relationship to work out.

"Phoenix."

I turned to see Cayson standing at the kitchen door. He looked down to the laptop in front of me - not a new one, but the old one I used to use from my parents. The screen was blank, the cursor blinking mockingly back at me.

I couldn't figure out what to say.

He looked at me. "Seth and Theo will be over in a few minutes for the cookout."

I turned away from him, back to the blank screen. I wasn't sure why they were inviting Seth over, especially when he threatened to take their mate - whether it was a joke or not.

They were having this cookout in hopes that I'd tell them if I was going to stay with them.
I closed the laptop and placed it in its carrier.

When I stood, Cayson placed his hands on my shoulders. When he squeezed, I closed my eyes. His hands on my skin always felt so...right. Keon was the same.

When the doorbell rang, I pulled away from him. I was the first to reach the door, so I opened it.

Seth grinned. "Hey there, sweets."

Theo sighed and stepped forward, wrapping me up in his arms. He squeezed me tight against him, rocking slightly.

He was comforting to be around, even though this would only be the second time we've met. He was like a breath of fresh air, so unlike anyone I'd ever met.

Cayson walked out of the kitchen and eyed the arms around me, then to Seth.

"Kind of a premature celebration, don't you think," Seth asked, stepping into the house and closing the door behind him.

"It's not a celebration." Keon began walking down the stairs. "We're just having a cookout."

Seth raised an eyebrow.

I was skeptical too, but I didn't say anything. I just continued to hug Theo, who was not letting me go.

He placed his lips by my ear. "How's it going, hon? With them?"

I lifted one shoulder half-heartedly.

"I need to talk to Phoenix for a bit," he said. "Do you mind?"

Cayson shrugged. "That's fine. We'll start cooking and you two can come down after you're done talking."

To them, Theo wasn't a threat. If Seth had been the one to say he wanted to talk to me in private, they would have said no in a heartbeat. As it was, it seemed Theo was gay, or at least was more interested in Marcus to want someone else.

I led him to my room - not the one I shared with the brothers. When I shut the door, I turned to him and tilted my head.

"They're expecting an answer tonight, you know." Theo walked around the room, eying the bed, the walls, the unopened suitcases. Anything and everything but me.

I watched him until he finally turned to look at me.

"I'm aware." I leaned back against the door. "But I don't have an answer. Telling them I'll stay will make them think I want them to mark me - which I don't. And you and I both know they won't let me go if I say I want to leave."

"They will," he said. "They made a promise to you, as their mate, that they would let you go."

I hummed.

"Why don't you want them to mark you," he asked.

I stared at Theo for a good minute before answering. "Because I don't want to be the reason their entire world falls apart at their feet. I don't know what kind of people they work for, whether they're fine with omegas or not. They could lose their jobs, lose their standing. I'm not going to do that to them."

He smiled. "Is that all?"

I wasn't sure where he was getting at. Of course that was the reason. It had always been the reason, ever since the beginning.

"I also don't think I love them," I finally said.

His lips tightened and he looked out the window. I assumed he was watching Keon and Cayson, and probably Marcus, if he could see him.

"You still don't seem to understand how much they love you." He leaned against the wall and rested his head on the windowsill. "They will do anything for you. They would kill for you. They truly don't care what you are or what happens to them."

I pursed my lips. I came to that realization too.

"Also," he finally looked at me, "you may be unaware, but you do love them. I can see it in the way you look at them."

I flinched. No. No, that couldn't be. I'd know, wouldn't I? You know, butterflies whenever I saw them, heart racing, body temperature rising?

I ran my hands over my face. "How do you even know? What even is love?"

He smiled gently at me before walking over to me. He lifted his hands up and placed them on my cheeks, warming the cold flesh.
What was with alphas and their warmth?

"Love is painful," he murmured. "But it's also so beautiful. Love is wanting to be with them, wanting to be around them, and hating it when you're not. It's wanting to see the other person - or persons - every day. It's the feeling in your chest when you see them, and the feeling of euphoria when you touch. It's slow-coming, but the moment you realize it, it's beautiful. It's in the way you look at each other and the way you touch when you get the chance. The smiles shared. The warmth between you. The pain of thinking they'd ever walk away from you or reject you."

I stared up at him with wide eyes. The wistful smile on his face, mixed with the words he spoke, made my heart race. I knew he wasn't just saying these words for me. It was for him as well, with the way he felt about Marcus.

I lifted my hands and rested them over his. "Why don't you tell him?"

He grinned. "Tell you what, if you stay and learn what those feelings your harboring are, I'll tell Marcus how I feel."

I narrowed my eyes. "Promise?"

His grin widened. "Yes, sweetheart. I promise. And even if I'm wrong about your feelings towards those two, I'll still tell him."

I wrapped my fingers around his hands. "Deal."

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A/N: Sorry it took so long to post an update. I've been crazy busy with life recently and have barely had a few minutes a day to write 😭