Chim - Make You Stay

Chapter 4

Cheryl

I feel myself slowly wake up, sun shining through the curtains. I open my eyes, and a stabbing pain goes through my head like a million knives and the memories of the previous night come flooding back.

I instantly notice that Kim's not in bed and I roll over, seeing a glass of water, painkillers and a note on the bedside table.

Cheryl,

I've gone to work and I'll be back about 5pm. Please help yourself to anything in the fridge and your clothes are in the bathroom if you want a shower- I've washed them for you. If you need me, call me, my number's on the back.

See you soon, Kim xxx

I instantly feel guilty. I was so rude to her and I don't even remember coming up to bed, she probably had to drag me. I've caused nothing but trouble for her, but she's still being so nice to me. Why?

I take the painkillers and crawl out of bed, hoping a long, hot shower will help me feel better.

As the hot water hits my skin, I slowly massage my temples, hoping to ease the pain. But to my dismay, as I turn the water off, my headache comes back, stronger than ever. As I get dressed, I also begin to feel slightly dizzy.

I wonder if I should call Kim and apologise, or maybe even tell her how ill I'm feeling, but I don't want to disturb her at work. Also, there's the fact that I still can't bare to turn my phone on again, knowing I'll be bombarded with texts and calls from my family.

I go into the kitchen, looking gingerly into the fridge. After rifling around, I find a small strawberry yoghurt. Before I can change my mind, I quickly spoon it into my mouth, eating the whole pot in four mouthfuls. I start to feel slightly nauseous, and I go to have a fag but remember once again that Kim has my lighter, and I have none left.

I walk into the living room, sitting down to watch some television, but after flicking through several channels I turn it off again. I can't concentrate. Looking at the time, I see I still have 3 hours until Kim comes back, and sigh, feeling lonely. I decide to be brave and go to get my phone, so I can save Kim's number and maybe answer some texts.

The second I switch it on, missed calls, texts and twitter notifications flash up. 18 missed calls from my mum and 9 texts. 3 calls from my brother, 2 calls from Lily, 2 calls from management and a call from simon. Another 27 texts from various people, all of which I delete without reading.

I quickly add Kim's number to my phone and send my Mum a text, saying that I am okay and to give me some space. My finger hovers over the twitter icon, itching to read my notifications, but I know that going on the internet in any way is a bad idea. I turn my phone off quickly before I change my mind. I shove my phone back into my bag, my mind more at ease, and go back into the living room, sitting down to watch tv again.

At 5pm on the dot, I hear keys in the door and Kim is home. She tries to be quiet, but once she sees me in the front room, she goes about her business, noisily as usual.

"Hiya babe, how's your head today?"

"Not too bad" I smile meekly, still quite embarrassed about the previous night.

She walks into the kitchen and I hear her putting things in the bin. She comes back with a smile on her face and I remember the empty yoghurt pot in the bin.

"Kim.. about last night.." I have to look away as I feel my cheeks begin to redden.

She comes and sits next to me, putting her hand on my knee.

"Don't worry about it. Although, it won't be happening again. We're friends now Cheryl. I don't expect you to be able to open up to me instantly, and it's clear you're struggling with things right now but I want you to know I'm here for you. If there's anything you need to talk about, I'm all ears. I want to help you, but you have to let me. I care about you"

I can't wipe the smile off of my face. I don't know what to say. She cares about me, she actually cares about me. I nod shyly, not being able to express my thanks in words.

"Now I'm going to whip up some chicken salad for us, and if you're up to it we can have a proper chat. Let me inside your head, let me help."

She gets up and goes back into the kitchen. I don't know what to feel. I feel relieved at the thought of having someone to rely on, but opening up? The thought feels daunting and scary to me. I try as hard as I can to push my fears down; I really want to show Kim that I trust her.

Kim sits down, thrusting a plate of chicken salad at me. I nervously nibble at some lettuce leaves but when I meet her gaze, I can tell she isn't fooled. Sighing, I put the plate, still full, onto the coffee table in front of us and Kim does the same, turning to face me on the sofa.

"Why won't you eat anything?"

"I'm not hungry" I mumble.

"Cheryl, please. You're only hurting yourself, you'll get ill!"

"Maybe that's what I deserve!" I cant make eye contact with her; I feel like her eyes see right into me.

"That's rubbish. Why on earth would you deserve that?"

I feel my eyes filling with tears. Kim has seen my cry so much, it's becoming ridiculous.

"Because I was a terrible wife. I was so terrible, he had to cheat. I wasn't enough, I wasn't good enough. I never will be, for anyone"

I can't stop myself from sobbing quietly and Kim slides along the sofa, putting an arm over my shoulders to comfort me.

"Whatever that vile man did was not your fault. You did nothing wrong! You're so kind and sweet and it's totally his loss! Look at me"

I look up into her eyes.

"You are good enough and you are strong. You can face this, I promise. I'll help you in any way that I can"

I throw myself forwards, wrapping my arms tightly around her neck, still sobbing. She was being so amazing towards me.

After an eternity, I slowly pull away.

"Why are you doing this for us? Your life is so in control and I'm a mess. What if you can't deal with us?"

Kim laughs slightly.

"Babe, in January it will be 2 years since my dad died. It was so sudden, and our family fell apart. Two months later, I moved out here on my own to get counselling and try and get my life back on track. I promise you that my life is far from perfect. I can deal with you fine"

I'm slightly gobsmacked. I'd been so lost within my own problems that I hadn't even stopped to think that Kim might also be struggling.

"Anyway, the counselling has helped a lot and no doubt it should help you too"

"Actually.. I'm going to stop going" I say in a rush.

"Why?!"

I explain myself to Kim and she nods understandingly.

"Ask to see a different counsellor. They won't mind- I had to change counsellor three times before I found someone I could talk to. Give it a try, for me?"

I agree, and we go on talking about various other subjects for what feels like forever.

****

Kimberley

When I look up at the time, I'm shocked to see that it's almost midnight. We've been talking for hours.

"Hey, it's too late to go get your car now, but I'll wake you up tomorrow when I get up for work and I can walk you to the garage, it's not far anyway"

Cheryl agrees, yawning, and we decide to go up to bed.

As we crawl into bed and I switch the light off, Cheryl turns to look at me, her eyes round and glistening with tears. I could get lost in her eyes.

"Thank you so much for tonight. It really means a lot"

I smile back at her and roll over, facing away from her to go to sleep.

I'm almost asleep when I feel her shuffle slightly closer to me and put her arm over me, and I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest.