My Rock Star Lover (COMPLETE)

CHAPTER 20: My Heart Will Go On

Joyce

Jace just held me in his arms. I cried and cried, not caring if the others are there or not. I just want to release all of this pent up emotions that I have been keeping deep inside of my heart for so long.

Jace is not saying anything, all I could feel and hear is his deep and rythmical breathing, the strong embrace of his hands on my back, and his chin on my head and every once in a while taking deep sighs.

All of these years, I have thought that I have already moved on; forgotten the past heartache and abandonment that Jace has caused me. But it is just now that I have realized that it never left me, it never healed through time, never been forgotten nor have I ever forgiven Jace for what he have done and that I still love him all through out these past few years and it hurt me more now that he is back. It hurts knowing that I still love him no matter how I tried to bury the feelings I have for him. All of this because I have given myself fully to him last night and this morning. These are proof of how I truly, deeply love this man. Love never simple goes away. It may be forgotten but it never fades through time. And I hate it. I hate how love made me suffer but I can never deny it. No matter how much I try to hate it, I can never deny my love for him and that proves everything right here, right now.

"I'm sorry..." Jace breaks the silence between us after a long while. I feel him take in a deep breath and added, "I never wanted to leave you back then. A tragedy had hit my family and I know I should have told before but I couldn't. I don't want you to be involved with my problems..." he paused and felt him tighten his embrace as if it is the only thing he can do to protect me from the words he is trying to say. As if the words that's coming out will harm me in anyway as he continued. "...my dad, he was involved in drug dealings and trafficking. He also uses drugs Joyce, he consumes them. He is a drug addict and mother and I never knew about it until men started invading our home. My dad stopped coming home days ago and we only know that he is in some sort of business out of town..." He stopped and took a deep breath then continued, "...when those men came, they were looking for my dad, demanding to pay his debt by giving them the money he took from them in selling drugs. Grams, mom and I were scared. I tried protecting them. I don't know how to use a gun back then, but I tried Joyce. I tried. They shot me several times. They shot mom and they shot grams, too." I can feel him stiffened from my hold as he recall that gruesome day. I closed my eyes shot; visualizing that terrible day and another batch of tears started to fall. And then he started telling the past again.

"Mom and grams only got shot once and they went unconscious, but I got shot five times, and I was still conscious. I refused to blackout. I have to save my family during that time. I tried calling 911 for help and I didn't care about losing too much blood. I'm much worried about grams and mom. I don't care if I died, I just want them to live." His body started shaking reliving those memories as he tightens his grip on me as if he is trying get his strength from me, "I couldn't breath when I got a hold of the operator. I knew that a bullet hit my lung and some other parts of my body and my head hurts terribly for some reason and I can feel liquid dripping from my hairline but I didn't care. I was able to give them my name and address but didn't the line cut off before I lose consciousness..." then I heard him sob, "I was on a coma for months. For 5 months... I woke up and I couldn't remember everthing in past 6 yrs of my life because the bullet hit my head and a damaged membrane have been affected my memory. I couldn't remember you for a whole year, but I remember the music. The music you love, the song that I made for you. All of it, but I don't know who it was for. I tried to remember you; I forced myself to remember everything about you. I know I loved someone. I know it in my heart. All those songs that I created, the lyrics in my my notebook, I know it is for someone that I truly, deeply love." He paused, his voice shaky, husky and trembling as he continued. "I remembered Mark first and asked mom to contact him and the rest of the boys." He took a deep breath and continued while I stayed in his tight embrace, "Mark explained everthing about the songs in my notebook and how all of those song were dedicated to my girlfriend. They were cautious about mentioning your name to me. I know because I can't remember you yet. They gave me your name, the picture of us and everything but nothing. Nothing Joyce and I know I feel that I love you but I can't remember your face and I feel like I am betraying you by not remembering who you are. I was so depressed. I wanted to die because was missing something. My soul is missing you so much and I can't bear it. I couldn't..." he was crying so hard, then I realise that I was, too. "Then mom came in to my room one day carrying this cd that has your name on it. She said that it was my only treasure that you gave me on my birthday. She said to listen to it and so I did." I felt his embrace loosened and pushed me slightly away from him, enough just to see my face as he held my chin up using his right hand. "I listened to the cd." And he let me go.

Jace went to the shelf where I took the song book. He opened another book and removed a cd inside it, like it was some sort of important thing he owned. He walk towards the player and put the cd in it and played.

I heard voices shuffling on the background, I reconized that one of the voices was mine and the other was Jace's and the rest I don't remember. I feel my eyebrows furrowed, trying to patiently wait what it was all about and the melody starts to play. It was a live inatrumental melody based on the shuffling sound from earlier. It's a live song, and I was the singer and I recognize the melody of the song. It was my favorite song by Celine Dion, "My Heart Will Go On" an OST from Titanic, my favorite movie of all time.

I closed my eyes as I remember the day that I sing it. It was on a club that have an open mic event and it was Jace's birthday and it was my present for him. That time he does not know that I can sing. And that song is the one that I offered to him as his gift for his birthday, as a surprise for him. I remember that night he run to the stage and hugged me and cried. That moment I know he truly loved me. That I will be in his heart and so he is in mine.

The cd has already ended playing and I was still crying when I felt his embrace again. "That song..." he whispered in my ear, full of emotion and love, "that song gave me back my memories of you as soon as I listened to it... Your beautiful voice, your face, everything about you, about us and our love; my love...for you"

I feel him cupped my face with his both hands making me lift my face to face him. As I opened my eyes, I see his beautiful blue eyes staring back to mine and he said, "just like that song, even if my memories were gone, my heart is went on loving you. My heart never forgot about you, it kept on loving you, Joyce. My memory may hay falter, but my heart doesn't." My heart melted as his words sinked into my soul.

He never forgotten about me. He still loved me even though he couldn't remember me. His heart searched for me and refused to forget everything about me. He really didn't forget about me. But I tried to forget him, not knowing that he went so much pain for thinking that he left me, forgetting about me. I feel bad about myself for thinking such hatred towards him. I didn't know, it tore my heart apart. I didn't know he have suffered so much. I didn't know he almost died because of his dad. And I wasn't there for him and I left him and went home to my home country. He never left me, but instead, I was the one who left him and I feel bad. I feel so bad about myself. And I cried, I cried so hard in his arms.

"I didn't know Jace. I didn't know... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." I wailed. "I didn't know..." and I fell on my knees as I cried and cried until no more tears came out as I held him tight into my arms hoping he would forgive me.

I love him then and I love him still. But I can't forgive myself for not trusting him. For trying to forget him and for trying to kill my love for him, while he was struggling to find the memory of his love for me. He did let go of his love for me, when I let go my love for him. It hurts me, so much...

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Hey guys!

Thanks for waiting for this chapter.

Jace have already revealed to Joyce the reason why he was gone for so long, why Joyce never heard a thing from him. It so happened that Jace's family was assassinated because of his father's drug dealings. But stay still, and wait for the next chapter because Jace will reveal more.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
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I love you all!

Joy