Mali-Koa
"I'd be honest to you, honest to God, if my heart had a voice..."
Jimin sighed as let his tears slip out of his bloodshot eyes and run down his cheeks out for the umpteenth time today. Everyday is like this, crying because of pain he feels in his chest when he thinks about how Yoongi left him like it was nothing, like Jimin was a piece of trash that was left on the ground.
Jimin knew that this was a reaching attempt, but he picked up his phone anyways and clicked on Yoongi's name, then pressing phone icon and listening to it ring; his heart skipped beats as he felt the anxiety well up in his stomach. What am I going to do if he doesn't answer?
Jimin's breath caught in the back of his throat when he heard Yoongi's voice.
"What do you need Jimin?" Yoongi's soft voice asked with annoyance.
"Listen, I have something to tell you and I no I don't know how it's going to sound," Jimin's voice tremble as tears were welling up in his eyes.
"Just spit it out."
"I know I was never good at conversations, I never said what I wanted to and I whispered when I meant to scream out to you, but all of these feelings, all of this pain, say to me that I will never be able to find a better love than you. This silence between us is killing me Yoongi, and I know I never said enough to try to get you to stay."
"Jimin...," Yoongi felt a pang in his chest.
"Yoongi I swear if my heart had a voice, it would cut the chords of chaos between us and the white noise that's gathered in our heads. If my heart had its choice, I would tell you all the stories I'd avoid and keep hidden. I would be honest to you, honest to God, Yoongi, but my heart never had that choice because I was afraid," Jimin continued with some confidence that he was saying the right thing.
Yoongi hung up.
He didn't hang up because he was mad or didn't want to listen to what Jimin had to say, but he did it because he felt the hot tears pour down his cheeks. Jimin was blaming himself when it wasn't anything that he did, but rather what Yoongi did.
Months later
Jimin stood outside of Yoongi's apartment unsure of whether he should knock or leave. Yoongi had moved away, so Jimin wouldn't be tempted to go to his apartment and try to bring Yoongi back into his life. Jimin knocked anyway despite of how unsure he was. It was a few seconds before he heard feet pattering from the inside of the apartment and then the door opening.
"Jim-,"
"May I come in?" Jimin cut Yoongi off.
"Sure."
"You know putting distance between us won't make me forget you. Won't you please just ask me to stay here in your life, Yoongi; I know that I can be frustrating, but I promise you my touch and my eyes can explain."
"Jimin... theres something I need to tell you," Yoongi said, feeling the guilt that had built up to be unbearable.
"What is it?"
"Promise me you won't hate me."
"You know I could never hate you," Jimin said eagerly.
"Promise me Jimin," Yoongi asked desperately.
"I promise I won't hate you."
"Okay... I... I cheated Jimin. I left because I cheated and I knew that it was the second time that I've fucked up. I left so suddenly because of the guilt," Yoongi said shamefully with his head down.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" Jimin asked hurt, tears flowing out silently.
"Yeah because that's a normal conversation," Yoongi retorted.
"I shouldn't still want you. I shouldn't forgive you. Yes, I'm mad along with every other emotions, but I can't hate you."
"I'm sorry," Yoongi apologized with his head still down.
"It's fine, well it's not, but you know what I mean."
"I think you should go Jimin."
"W-why?" Jimin asked surprised.
"Just please go, it's better this way."
With that, Jimin nodded and got up and headed for the door.
"Jimin, you know I love you right?"
"I know," Jimin wipes the tears from his eyes and opened the door, "thank you."
Jimin walked to his car quickly and sat in the drivers seat crying. After a while, he collected himself and finally drove off, unsure of anything anymore.
