Scars~Prinxiety

Words Fail~ Roman

TW: Mentions eating disorders, implications of dysmorphia and abuse, mentions of self-harm

"I never let them see the worst of me. 'Cause what if everyone saw? What if everyone knew? Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too?" 

I woke up the next morning at 4:30. This had been happening a lot lately, I'm not sure why it just has. I heaved an overdramatic sigh as I stepped out of my bed, the moon shined through the window, in the pale lighting I could see my own reflection in the mirror across from my bed. I examined my body, staring at my skin. It used to be a gentle shade of beige but had paled to a disgusting shade of ivory within the month or so. The bags under my eyes were more visible in the pale moonlight, making a darker comparison to my complexion. My dirty blonde hair was tangled on my head as my hazel eyes reflected the moonlight. I examined my round cheeks, they were thinner than they used to be, but they were still rounded, too round. I glanced at my thin arms, they had three more cuts than they did the day before. All of which were deeper than the others. I couldn't help but wonder, who could possibly be my soulmate? Or more importantly, who could possibly love me? There were plenty of other people far more deserving of love than me. Why would anyone love someone as disgusting as me? 

I walked downstairs, I heard my stomach call for food. I walked to the cabinets and grabbed a glass cup, I filled it to the top with water. I sipped slowly from the cup, watching the world around me pass by. I heard the wind whistle outside as leaves fells from trees. I couldn't help but let my mind wander, it was a bad habit of mine. It needed to stop. 

I couldn't help but think about Anxiety. Even the image of his adorable face being put into my head was enough to make me smile. Regardless of the fact that there was a chance that my dad would wake up. Or of the fact that the only things i've eaten in the past two weeks have been an apple last Tuesday and a cookie that patton practically shoved down my throat on Saturday. But, that didn't matter. I wasn't hungry. Not hungry enough to need food. I didn't deserve food. There was no point in wasting extra money and resources on someone who was already fat enough not to need food. 

Wait. 

That's wrong. 

Let me rewrite that. 

I couldn't help but think about Anxiety. Even the image of his adorable face being put into my head was enough to make me smile. I'm not exactly sure why I was so obsessed over him. I mean, I've impulsively asked someone out a couple of hundred times, but not once did I think about them afterward this much, regardless of whether or not I got a date with them. So, why was I thinking about Anxiety this much? 

I was about to finish that thought when a crash was heard from upstairs.