Good Intentions

Ch27: Kota

***Short, sad, sweet, but most of all, necessary. Enjoy<3***

Kota POV

I walked away quickly and quietly. I could feel the moment they noticed that I had left, as they all watched my retreating form. Part of me hoped that one of them would come after me, but it was only a small part. I needed to get away from them. From her. 

I didn't know where I was going, but I was walking as quickly as my feet could take me without breaking into a run. My mind was racing and my heart was pounding. I needed to get to a secluded room and count. I needed to close my eyes and count until I could make sense of what was going on. So much had happened in the last few days, and I was finally starting to realize that things were never going to be the same. Things were changing. Sang was changing. Our group was changing. And I was terrified. 

"Mr. Lee?" 

Mr. B's concerned voice broke me out of my panicked thoughts, long enough to realize that I had walked myself to his office. I hadn't set out to come here. I had thought I wanted to be alone. But on some level I must have known that I needed help. I needed my brother to help me understand the mess around me, and to help me fix it. 

"Please help me," I whispered. I felt ashamed and small. Like a child running to his parent when he made a mistake, begging for help. I had failed her, I had failed my team, and now I had no idea what to do. But Owen Blackbourne would. He always knew what to do. 

I felt his hand land on my shoulder and lead me into his office. He directed me to the chair across from his desk and sat me down. I followed willingly, moving on auto-pilot, allowing him control. Why had I ever tried to do this on my own? Why had I tried to hide her from him? He would have known what to do. He wouldn't have messed everything up so badly. Right? 

"Mr. Lee, tell me what happened." 

Tell him what happened. What had happened? Didn't he already know? My mind struggled to come up with an answer to his demand that wasn't childish. I wanted to yell I ruined everything or It's all my fault, but non of that would be helpful. He needed to understand, so that he could fix my mess. 

"Dakota, it will be alright. Please, just tell me what happened." His voice was soft, but still laced with authority. He was in complete control. How was he always so calm? So steady? And why couldn't I be like that?

I needed to tell him. I needed to tell him that I was wrong to try and hide her in the beginning. That I should have brought her to him immediately. I needed to tell him that I have liked her from that very first night. That I wanted her to be mine from the very beginning. I needed to say that I hated that all of my brother's also wanted her. That it wasn't fair, and she was perfect for me, not them. He needed to know that she was all I thought about, and that I needed to make sure that she was happy and safe. I needed her to stay with me. To choose me. She shouldn't be pretending to date Luke at the dinner, or Silas at school. She shouldn't be floating around with all the guys, to all their houses. She should be mine. They shouldn't be claiming her in the hallways, or flirting with her, or whatever they were all always doing. It wasn't right. I couldn't handle it. 

I needed to say all of those things, but that is not what I said. 

"I've lost her." My head hung in shame as I finally allowed myself to realize that truth. I had lost her. She wasn't ever going to be mine. She wasn't ever going to trust me, or want me. 

Mr. B didn't respond right away, and after a few moments of tense silence, I finally looked up to see why. He was studying my face with a soft frown. I could see the concern in his eyes, and the sadness as well. I could see the dark circles that had gotten worse and worse each day, since Monday. He held my stare for another moment, raising his hand to adjust his glasses, before he finally spoke.