Good Intentions

Ch2: What is Love?

North POV

Climbing up the stairs to Sang's bedroom, I can't stop going over everything I just heard. What the fuck was going on. Over the past few days I had been drugged at a party, Sang had been attacked by the Vice Principal, and then she almost died in a goddamn sawdust pile. And somehow, all of those things paled in comparison to the thought of what Mr. Blackbourne and Mr. Anderson were suggesting. Well, I guess they weren't suggesting it exactly. Henry just told us about his life and told us it was the only way. But was it? I couldn't wrap my head around a group of men sharing a female, in a respectful and loving way, let alone doing it myself. I could barely share my motorcycle. But they expected me to share the girl I loved. That made me wince. It all sounded so horrible. She was not an object to be shared. Jesus Christ. What the hell were me and Mr. Blackbourne thinking. This couldn't possibly work.

My heart was starting to beat painfully in my chest as I opened Sang Baby's door and saw her fast asleep, spooning with Luke. I immediately searched her face for any show of strain. When I decided she looked peaceful I let my eyes wander down her body, taking all of her in. She was under the blankets, and my nuisance of a brother was wrapped around her like velcro, but I could still see her perfect curves. I couldn't lose her. I wouldn't be able to bear it. Hell, just yesterday I was drunk as a fucking skunk all because we got in a fight. A fight we never should have gotten in to begin with. I knew I was wrong to blow up her like that, just like I had been wrong to push her away after being drugged at that party. I was handling all of this wrong.

She shifted a little bit in her sleep and it caught my attention immediately. Everything about her drew me in and commanded my attention. There wasn't an hour that went by that I didn't think about her laugh. Her gorgeous eyes. Her delicious lips. God, what I wouldn't give to kiss those lips for real. Having her under me in the car that night was unlike anything I have ever felt. I remember waking up the next morning, and my first thought was how amazing she felt pinned under my body. How much I loved kissing her and touching her, even if they weren't real kisses. But just as quickly as the memory came, my happiness faded. I was high as a kite and I took advantage of the sweetest girl I had ever known. I forced myself on her in a drugged out daze, and it made what should be and amazing memory dirty and awful.

Logically I know that it wasn't my fault and that I didn't actually hurt her in anyway. And a part of me also knows that if she had been scared or uncomfortable she would have done something, even if it was as simple as giving off a bad vibe. But I wondered if I would have noticed in the drugged up fog. Was she fighting me and I just didn't realize? She had fake kissed me in the closet that night, and it sure didn't feel fake. That had felt real. If felt like she wanted me as bad as I wanted her. And fuck did I want her. Realizing I had been standing in the door staring at her this whole time, I decided to get in bed. Taking my shoes off, but leaving my clothes on, I got in next to her and got as close to her as I could. I couldn't really hold her because Luke was engulfing her as if his body was trying to absurb hers. How could she sleep like that? She couldn't be comfortable.

I looked more closely at her then. She looked more than comfortable. She looked like and angel sleeping peacefully wrapped in cloud of love and warmth. What the fuck is happening to me? I am clearly spending way too much time with Silas if this is how I think in my own head. That shit needs to stop right fucking now. Shaking away that thought I took a closer look at Luke. He also looked completely blissed out. My brother has always been a goofy overly happy type of guy, but I know most of it was his way of coping with his hidden insecurities. He had a self confidence problem, like most of us, but he chose to hide it behind laughter, pranks, and overall flamboyance. It worked for him most of the time, but I knew he wasn't all sunshine. But when he held Sang? He looked completely content.